I am married for the last 9 years and have a son who has just turned 5.
To give a brief back ground on myself, I have been born in a totally liberated family and have a working mother who has brought me up on the “high” ideals of how women should fend for themselves and should not take crap from the male chauvinist world. Result is that I am quite independent in all ways and secretly favour women in my day to day dealings. Before you draw other conclusions, let me give you examples. The day I needed to consult a pediatrician for my son on an urgent basis and I landed up in a nearby hospital; the receptionist asked me whether I would like to see Dr. (Mrs.) So & So or Dr. So & So. I sub consciously selected the Mrs. doctor for no obvious reason. If I am at the bank I am waiting for a customer service executive to see me, I hope that the female executive gets free and calls for me rather than the male executive.
There was this moment when I was expecting my first child. Throughout the pregnancy period, I chanted the un-debated mantra “It does not matter whether it is a boy or a girl”. But my husband having been through the 5 years of courtship followed by the 9 marriage years knew that I was edging towards a girl. It took me repeated assurances to convince him that I will be as nice to our son as I would be to our daughter. And as if by divine vengeance, we were blessed with our son. And much later, when I was expecting our second kid, I just avoided the thought of “How would I handle the third man in my life”, if I have another son!
There are so many eccentricities of the male world that drive me crazy. As if one man in my life was not enough, God sent one more to prove his point. And the unexplained similarities in the behavior can only be attributed to the fact that “Men are from Mars”.
If my husband is looking out for something in a drawer (which is very much there in front of the naked eye)… I am sure he will not find it. It will take constant cajoling and finally a visit from me to that place to spot it. So now when my son keeps ranting about how his toy which was he has left in his room before going to school, is no more to be seen – I can relate to it exactly.
I could never understand the constant detailing and studying of “cars” that I have to now get so used to. I can comprehend that a sane person would want to go over each and every detail of each and every car in the market when one is getting ready to buy a car (but imagine trying to study a merc when you want to target the “Santro” segment). But talking about cars and their features all day long when it one does not even intend to buy one – just does not make sense to me. I had got used to blocking my mind with my own thoughts when my husband used to start on his “cars” ritual. But with my son, that is not an option since he has frequent questions like “Mom, which was the car we had seen yesterday?” or “Mom, which type of cars have a wiper for the back screen” and so on.
And when the weekend comes with its inevitable list of to-do’s and shopping – it is met with the same groans and grimaces from my son which my husband used to give some years ago ( After lot of hard work, I have managed to change him a bit). My son will too have the “change – agent” in his life sooner or later.
TV mania is something that comes with its own benefits. When my husband used to stare at the idiot box for hours together without acknowledging my presence, it used to be a point of quarrel for us. But now I have learnt to use it to my advantage for quietly slipping out for my personal errands when both father and son are glued to the television.
The last but not the least is the inexplicable craze about video games. The amount of time that my husband could remain glued to the computer games was definitely more than the longest date I remember going with him on. I thought I had obliterated this obsession soon after marriage by my constant nagging and begging. But it has now taken a revival with my son coming into the scene. It started with educational computer games for my son and now it is not unusual to find both the men in my lives fully drowned in a game of “Road Rash” or “Wolf 3D”.
I have resigned to my fate and when it comes to one of these “Menly” things… I just remind myself “I am from Venus…”.