The Wheel of Time: Old Age Homes
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Going by today’s standards, old age homes are not scandalous any more! What was once considered as an unimaginable thought or action is now a most convenient reality. More and more people are thinking of and many are opting to put their aged parents in old age homes. It just seems the right thing to do, leaving couples free to pursue their careers, party around or go for vacations without the nagging thought of an aged parent at home.
People favouring old age homes justify their decisions with several points. They say that the presence of old parents at home is too much trouble. There is no room for privacy. They have to constantly tend to them when they are sick. Bringing friends home becomes embarrassing. Going on a holiday becomes an impossible reality. Oof! So many problems just to have elderly parents around!
But all justifications fall flat when we realize that the old parents we are talking about as ‘problems’ are the very people who took care of us whenever we fell sick. These people sacrificed outings, friends and vacations only to make us feel happy, wanted and part of the family. They did not ponder much about lack of privacy whenever we barged into their romantic rendezvous. They did it all for Us! Is this how we pay back? By dumping them in old age homes?
Okay, times have changed. Now, both parents might have to work to run the home. Maybe, we don’t want to miss out on our promotions. After all, the money from that promotion will also be used to give parents a ‘better old age home!!’ And now-a-days, old age homes are all spruced up like hotels with all facilities including medicine and entertainment readily available. Fine, but pray tell me, if we have the time to party, if we have the time to watch television can we not find a little time for our parents at home? Is it too much to ask for? Old age homes may provide all material requirements but surely, we are wise enough( or are we?!) to understand that an old age home cannot fill in the vacuum of love and affection that only a family can provide. Even if we call them every other day, can the phone call fulfill the anticipations and expectation that a parent has to meet his/her son or/and daughter?
There are some senior citizens who have resigned to their lonely fate with their children busy working or settled elsewhere. Some even save up for such homes so they don’t have to be dependent on their children. An indifferent institution seems a better option than bitter nostalgia and loneliness at home. But, can an old age home replace the warmth of a real home filled with the presence of one’s kith and kin? Can the professionalism of a senior citizen centre take the place of a child?
On the other side, there is no denying the fact that some cynical elderly parents have spoiled the lives of their adult children. Many marriages have been destroyed due to the constant interference of these people. Still, dumping them in an old age home is not and cannot be a permanent solution. Is slogging away at work or even enjoying life to the hilt really worth it at the cost of losing out on one’s parents? We are what we are today because of them. Of course, not all possess a generous heart, great patience or even remember their duties when it comes to taking care of old parents. But we need to remember that life runs full circle. What we give comes back to us. And, history could repeat itself!
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First the joint family broke, now we want to live away from parents too.Times are surely changing and very rightly said that some elders too are responsible for their fate.But I hope at least in India, where family values are still respected, Old age homes do not become a norm like the west.At least just as I could not bring myself to put my son in a creche, I cannot imagine my parents in an old-age home!
Hello Anita. I am happy that you agree too. Times are changing and people seem to be having less and less time for their children and/or parents. It really is very sad as we are allowing materialism and consumerism to take the place of family relationships.
Read your personal blog. A nice one- sweet and simple, something that many of us can identify with.
Very nice article, Shail.In India we are going the way of western nations although we hardly have the same kind of facilities that are available abroad in our ‘homes’ for the aged.The underlying loneliness is something we all should try to dispel in the elderly. How about encouraging children to ‘adopt a granny/grandpa’ at a nearby home? good for the elderly but even better for the children.
Beyniaz.
Thanks Beyniaz. So very true. People forget that they too will become old some day and if they have no one then, they too will have to embrace loneliness. Charity begins at home so to say so, if parents inculcate good values in children, the elderly need not go to an old age home.
Yes, adopting a grandmother or grandfather seems a splendid idea but in India, how far that will be successful where people have no time for their very own…..
I work in a old age home it is heartbreaking to see our elders wasting in one of these places. I give all i have3 to give to the elders at my job and treat them with the love and respect they deserve our country and freedoms would not be here today if it was not for our elders and to dump them in a home so we can live our life. is like dumping a child at a orphanage. a old persons home is not a home their diginity and freedoms are taken away and they must adjust to living in a instution and eat what is offered.
So nice of you Paula, to comment on this article. I feel strongly about old age homes. In fact, the very thought tends to give me a sinking feeling. And, you work right there in one old age home so you know much better. Yours is a first hand experience. Thank you for doing your duty there. God only knows how much love, affection and respect these elderly people have been deprived of.
Hi Shail,
Nice to see an article like this. It is sad to see parents live in old age homes. Children, these days, dont know their grandparents and miss out on being fed by grandparents, listening to stories and playing with them. I agree that what goes around comes around. Hope people realise that soon.
Thanks Brinda. I know it is really terrible. We don’t realize what we lose until it happens. The same with our elderly parents. They seem too much of a burden for most people. It is such a pity. And people don’t realize that such a thing could happen to them too.As you said, let’s hope people realize it soon enough before it is too late.
Great to read this interesting article. Pl continue your good job.
Your articles give us another opportunity to think about such sensitive issues.
I totally agree with yout views. Senior citizens also face problmes in adjusting with others who live in such homes. They try to shift to some other homes. This process goes on….
Sometimes they find the treatment at such homes is much worser than the treatment by their children.
They must try to live with their eyes, ears and mouths shut, so that they can peacefully as a joint family.
Thanks Hari. Life for elderly people is unfortunately not good. Not all of them of course. There are some senior citizens who have learnt to adjust with time and gel well within their own family. This way, their self respect remains intact and they still retain the love and affection of the family. What I feel most bad for are the elderly who are ill treated for no fault of theirs and dumped in old age homes.
It is very heart touching post. I can understand your feelings
Thank you Homecare Atlanta. It feels good when there are persons who appreciate and share your emotions.
I liked it very much.
Want for more and more to get such brilliant insight and ideas about Old Age Homes.
Thank you Vick Andrews. It is nice to know that there are people interested in caring for the elderly.