I am not a marriage counsellor, nor an advisor of sorts  on marital affairs. But I can talk with some authority  about how a married life is to be lived, based on my own personal experience of  some 57 years. I must say at the outset  that a marriage is for ever.

When I read in the papers that young couple get divorced within an year of their marriage or  some, after about 5 years with a couple of children in their lap, my heart leaps out in  agony and protest. What’s that divorce for?  To get married again? What if the second stint  becomes worse than the previous? Wouldn’t you have then  wished that things could have turned out better if you had reconciled to her/him and started life all over again?  You could have certainly enjoyed a more joyous second innings?

How does a marriage materialize in our land India?  How does it come about?  How are the candidates picked up? I used to laugh when someone said, “Marriages are made in Heaven.”  Over a period of time and having gone through some case studies, I have come to accept the statement. Surely, God is the initiator of every marriage.  He is the silent broker  and controller of all activities  from the planning stage till the marriage altar.

You would have heard of instances whereof  some marriage negotiations have  failed somewhere in the middle or some love affairs got broken after some time. Why?  Did you ever think why?  I am of the firm view that God did not approve of those alliances and it’s He who puts hurdles and  make the parents or candidates call off the whole thing.  Whereas some marriage proposals go through like a shot and get settled   within hours.  Take it from me readers that  God is  behind such  quick  breaking or making relationships.  It is God who spots out  the right partner for you . If He does not approve of the selection of candidates,  He thwarts it straightway.

The other day I read in the papers that 89 per cent  of our Indian  men and women opt for arranged marriages as opposed to love marriages.  That’s how it should be. An arranged marriage is an Indian concept.  In this model, it is the parents who identify their prospective daughter-in-law or son-in-law, meet the other party , discuss and finalise the  pact. [The western nations have no idea of this type of marriage style.]  The agreement  itself  will take place only if  God had approved of  that  union,  in which case there would be no impediment whatever and the married life itself will be smooth and long lasting. Statistics show that 80% of he arranged arranged marriages have been successful.

To tell you something about myself.  One day when I was just around 16 years old and about to finish school, a girl was paraded in front of me. She was from some far off place.  Something struck me when I saw her, some kind of mini storm and earthquake erupted within.  It was like God telling me, “See, there’s  your future wife.”  As if to endorse it, my brother in law, who was some 14 years  my senior happened to reflect, “Dear  chap, one day you may have to marry her, I suppose.”   Then and there I took a decision that she would be my life partner. Told no one about it but I began  to work towards that goal.  Imagine, she was only eleven or  eleven  plus.  Everything  worked in our favour and after 10 years we got married.  God made sure that I fell for no one else during the intervening period. Actually, every girl I came across looked  ‘ugly’ in my eyes. God had shown me the most beautiful woman and the most perfect woman in the world.

We  told each other  during the first two days or so that we would live solidly and never  break up  because  we  had  jointly given a promise in the church and in God’s presence that  we will be one body till death do us part. It cannot be violated. We thanked God for bringing us together  and we kept Him  as our  mentor and  guide and the  central figure in our life  together.

Don’t think our married life was all dinky dory and  fights free.  We did have quarrels, disagreements, arguments some time or the other. But these aberrations never interfered with our resolve to live together. Actually, we used to forget the incident in the very next second and talked with each other  cordially as if nothing had happened.   No kind of sulking, or turning the other side in bed or going  on non talking terms for some hours or days or resorting to  revengeful action to hurt the other or threats like “Enough is enough. I am leaving…”..  None of that sort at all.  The event was fully and completely ‘deleted’ from our memory.

One day, just for the heck of it I asked  her, “Darling, on  what issue  did we have  some  tiff this morning?”   “Tiff?” she said screwing up her face.  “When  on Earth did we have one ?  I don’t remember a thing.  Do you?”

“No, I too don’t recall anything amiss, “ I endorsed.

That’s how, it should be  readers.  If you have to live together for decades, all these minor irritants should be completely ignored.

As regards our outdoor life and activities,  I don’t think we went out  singly ever.  We always went as a pair and sat huddled in any function.  “Hey, are you still honeymooning or what? And that too after 20 years of marriage?”  some well wisher would ask sarcastically and jocularly.  “Sort of..” I would respond.  “Where is your wife, pal?”  I  asked the other   in my turn.  “Oh, she is somewhere around..” Annoyed, I told him,  “Go and fetch her immediately.  OK?”

That’s a prescription for you to copy.

Our years rolled on smoothly without any  hiccups. Our three children held  a grand ceremony to celebrate our golden anniversary. “Fifty years of  togetherness.”  It was an occasion we cherished.

We had no serious health problems ever.  Life had been absolutely fantastic and  enjoyable.

Yet in life, perfect health doesn’t  last for ever.  Old age illnesses  do catch up  when you cross sixty. Wife fell ill at a very late age with all kinds of problems – kidney , high blood pressure, thyroid  and so on. She was in an out of the hospital several times. I prayed to the  Lord, “Lord, won’t you allow us to celebrate our diamond jubilee?”  From all accounts, I had a feeling that she would not recover from her multi organ  ailments. She did not. God had His own time table.  And she  breathed her last after 57 years and  8 days of married life, at the ripe age   of 78.

Wouldn’t you also like to boast that you had lived as an inseparable pair for four decades or five or six?

Develop the Will to stick together  and the Creator God will bless your  marriage.

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