Between you and me don’t you agree that time is everything around which our very existence revolves. Remember those movies where the hero and heroine meet there is a clap of thunder and “time stood still” and both were unaware of the havoc this situation plays on nature (strong winds blowing etc)  Similarly often we feel that time has “stood still” or “time flies”. Whatever be the case we blame time, but should it be blamed really?? I think it all depends on the mental conflicts that we face and our state of mind. It is human nature that we defend ourselves if situations are not favourable.

Right now my state of mind is a mixed bag. I wake up with a jerk in the morning thinking I am 21 in 4 years I will be married. Oh My God!! I have spent almost 5 years here in Canada from 17 till 21. I have such less “time” on my hands… But then …. when I meet people around me or even when I tell people at work about myself  they feel proud of my achievements. Sincerely they commend me and say that I have come a long way without knowing the pitfalls of my journey so far… I feel much better!!

And then there are days when I don’t work I feel “time” is moving so slowly… I can’t wait to go for work the next day!! Also people around me are at a stage in their lives where they have met the minimum standards of living (as I would like say it!!). For instance, everyone has a permanent full-time job, everyone has a license, own vehicle and for God Sakes! their own credit card!!! I am amongst people who have all this and I am always questioned or critiqued since I have none of the above mentioned credits. It worries me that I always have to remind them of my age and I will only achieve it with “time” or when the “time” is right… but I get nervous of being jinxed (as I am superstitious as hell!!) what if I am never able to reach that stage sometimes I feel jittery when the future is unknown and uncertain???? My mum always tells me ‘insecurity come with age and security with experience and when both merge then a confident person emerges’!

I have always been a restrictive, shy and nervous person. I have hidden confidence otherwise I am a chicken in front of people, as every critique or comment gets to me… and yes I must clarify every negative comment, the positive ones don’t affect me. It is as if I am waiting or looking for someone to critique me in a negative sense or else it is not normal!!!

Hey!! Does that mean I am a pessimist??? I will know it with “time”. All my fears will overcome, my questions will be answered and my achievements will happen with time!! So Am I really dependant on time or is it all a cover up??

With these conflicting and volatile thoughts that keep crossing me  but then I eventually get rid of them and pick singular un complicated path that keeps me going and that is of working hard and planning my future step by step, as that is something that is not decided by time and I am happy it is that way. Time  can never be a cover up .. time is strength, time is our chart of growth as a person or in any relationship, fame , fortune you name it!The day you are born you login with time..  the day you die you logout…again with time. Therefore time is quintessential for our days on earth!

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