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First Love

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Submitted by on August 16, 2010 | 36 views No Comment
It was late in the night. I am searching my shelf for a book. The book which has stored the most precious memories of my life, and there it is, with big golden letters “DIARY 1999”. Took it in my hand, cleaned off the dust and reached for the study table. Ready now, I put on my reading Glasses, opened the book. It took me two licks on my finger to open the page ‘MARCH 7’. Whenever I open this book, I read only Two pages.. The day I met her and the day I wrote letter to her. As these two pages remind me of the whole time I spent with her and the agony I went through Later. There is always a moment right!
Before I began to read, when I wonder, how life would have been the other way. Shaking off my head, I began reading.

JUNE 26

College reopened today and now I am final year student. :) There are many incidents to pen down. But top of all, I met a girl in college today. My friend introduced her to me, as she has some doubts in my subject. She’s 3rd year ECE student. She’s too beautiful to take my eyes off her. Damn.. How I missed her for three years…

As I was reading, my mind drifted back to that warm evening twenty years back. My friend took me to the college garden and introduced her to me. She was pretty, I thought at the first sight. “Hi, I am Sravya” she said simply. An ordinary beginning, something that would have been forgotten long had it been anyone but her. When my eyes met those dark warm eyes, I knew before taking another breath that she was the one I could spend the rest of my life with. She seemed that good, that perfect. Next hour or two I spend talking subject matter and watching her with awe. The way she talks, the way she smile, everything looks perfect. She’s just as perfect as a fairytale princess.

From then, the next few months went like a tornado wind…briskly, but devastating… I got close to her, closer than any other guy in college. We used to spend hours talking, laughing and enjoying. I have seen many beautiful girls before, though, girls who caught my eye, but to my mind they usually lacked the trait I find most desirable. Traits like confidence, intelligence, strength of spirit, passion. Sravya has those traits. I can even smell in her scent.

In December that year, we went for excursion along with our close friends. I can still clearly picture in mind the day I watched sunset with her. The faint aroma of autumn leaves riding back on southern winds, chirping of birds, stars shining high in twilight sky… We shared an hour of silence watching the nature. in that hour of bliss, she glanced at me several times and I can see her eyes twinkle and a smile forming on her lips, every time she look at me. She starts loving me too, I thought. Everything seems poetic. I read in many novels that only close-to-heart ones can only sit next to other and not say anything and can still feel content. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. On that day, i have decided to tell my feelings for her, as soon as possible. And i thought she will accept my love, and we can live rest of our lives in eternal happiness. But later I came to know that life is different from novels. Girls are way too unpredictable. I thought these were the happiest days I had, but later it left me nothing but many painful years to follow..

Barking of the street dogs outside, helped me come back to the present. I slowly turned to the last page ‘DECEMBER 31st’.

December 31

Last day in this millennium. I gonna celebrate this New Year with friends. And today is a big day for me. I propose her today. I wrote a letter. It took me whole day long, but still I feel I couldn’t express my feelings well. New millennium! NEW LIFE!

That day exactly at 12, in the middle of celebrations I gave her the letter and said ‘I Love You’. She was awestruck and took a moment to digest it. She announced her verdict in disgust “I hate love Praveen! And you know that… Why do you do like this? God! even you!!” The words hurt, but again I thought, I heard something in her tone, as if she was saying it to disguise her real feeling. I gently took her shoulder in my hands, making her face me. The fireworks of celebration reflecting in her eyes, as I spoke again. “If what you say is really what you mean, I won’t try to stop you. But if there’s a part of you that isn’t sure, then say yes. This isn’t the kind of thing you go into halfway.” Her answer came, almost too quickly “I mean what I say!” I stared at her for a second, wondering if she really mean what she said.

After that, I came home in the middle of the party. I was thinking about that incident. Replaying it, seeing it again, hearing it again, Running it by in slow motion. “She hates Love” I finally whispered. And then I felt silent. And sometime after midnight, it all rushed inward into my mind and I was overcome with longing. And if anyone had seen me, They would have seen what looked like an old man, someone who’d aged a lifetime in just couple of hours. I cried all the night with face in my hands and tears in my eyes. I didn’t know if they would ever stop.

I spent next few months in sheer pain and agony. I used to spend days lonely and cry all the night. I even forgot that my lips can curve to form a smile. Sometimes when I came across her in college corridor, she just walked past me as if she never knew me. “Girls, Why do they act like that?” “How can they easily forget year long friendship for just a word?” “Girls, they are really sick!” I couldn’t get over the pain of loosing her. I couldn’t forget her. I didn’t even try to forget her. Later, I get used to live with pain, love this pain.

After few years, my parents forced me into wedding locks with another girl. I was quite content with my marital life. One night when I told all this to my wife, Not only she understood, but she had been the first one to explain why. She said simply “The first time you fall in love, it changes your life forever, and no matter how hard you try, and the feeling never goes away. The girl you been telling me about was your first love. And no matter what you do she will stay with you forever. Don’t worry, I make you forget your pain” I’m glad that she understands me well.

Clearing the moist in my eyes, I closed the book and reached the bed. I slept beside Sravya. Yes Sravya! My daughter, I named my daughter in her memory. So that, whenever i see my daughter I remember my first love, even though it is painful. For pain due to love is SWEET!!!

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