Traveling in Delhi is basically punishment, except when one travels by Metro Rail. Metro Rail has been the greatest gift to the citizens by Delhi’s bureaucratic government. The Metro is vital in Delhi. Without the Metro, Delhi will be as crippled as Mumbai. But, in this case, the crippling of Delhi is based on the assumption that the Blue Line Buses will cripple people.

Yes, the Blue Line buses give all the ‘Honor-Killers’ a run for their money. They’re responsible for about 40% of Delhi’s killings and 99.9% of road accidents. Every Blue Line Bus driver has his Key Result Area (KRA) of how many accidents per day he causes. Their other KRA is how many traffic signals to jump. They also get combo points when they jump a signal and bump and cripple someone. Every driver is awarded 5 additional combo points for causing death of a pedestrian or a Rickshaw-puller.

A slightly better and moderate cousin of the Blue Line is the Delhi Transport Corporation (DTC) Bus. A DTC’s main objective is to warn other travelers on the road. Essentially, there is no difference in the indifference towards the travelers on the road between a DTC and a Blue Line. The difference, though, lies in the fact that they will stop exactly an inch from bumping into someone, but not kill anyone.  But a DTC always serves this warning – I will give you a chance to live, but the Blue Line behind me will kill you! A peculiar character of the DTC, which, I observed is that, the conductor is the owner of the bus and not the DTC. He will make sure that you realize that he’s doing you a favor by offering you an opportunity to travel in the bus and without which, you are a douche-bag. I should also add that he thinks he’s the most important person in the history of important people.

Another important mode of transport is the Cycle-Rickshaw. Cycle-Rickshaws are quite warm-hearted, unlike their arrogant and self-righteous cousins, the Auto-Rickshaw. Any Auto-Rickshaw’s KRA is the number of passengers they refuse a ride. I think my hit ratio of hauling an auto and getting a ride in an auto is about 10%. I, in fact, feel that there a secret club of Auto-Rickshaws who meet every night and discuss how many passengers they refused a fare. Oh, and did I tell you that they brag about it too? It’s like… Huh! You refused only 16! I refused about 36!

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