Suguna fell deeply in love with Mukesh when she had gone to New Delhi on a college project work.. The love was so overpowering Suguna felt that she could not live without Mukesh even for a minute. Immediately after her BA final examination, she forced her parents to marry her off to Mukesh.
They got divorced exactly eight months later.Why?
Suguna was a Tamilian from head to toe and from morning till evening seven days a week. Whereas Mukesh was born and bred in New Delhi and had never moved out of the Capital in all his life.
Suguna found everything new and strange in her New Delhi home. She couldn’t stand the sight of chappatis, parotas and dhal at the dining table nor every house routine the whole day.
She was a Christian and Mukesh, a staunch Hindu.
As days passed by, they couldn’t see eye to eye on any issue at all and found no agreement on many things in their daily life. Mukesh’s parents expected a different kind of behaviour from their daughter- in-law but Suguna’s thinking and conduct was like any Tamilian maiden’s. She was worshiping a different God, a foreign God for that matter which her in-laws didn’t quite approve of.
The only thing common between the young couple was the language; Suguna spoke both Hindi and English. The deep love they had developed for each other had waned out by the day and did not count for anything after two weeks into the married life.
Suguna found no course of action appropriate except to part ways through a divorce.. She was back in her Chennai home exactly 8 months after her marriage, with all her dreams of a happy home fully shattered. She was a broken soul too with complete aversion to live with a man ever again!
What went wrong with this young couple? A deep analysis is needed to be a lesson for those believers in mixed marriage.
National integration, culture merging, the concept of one God, one religion etc are all right in theory but don’t work in practice. Any marriage would call for adjustment between the husband and wife. One has to give in and accept some changes in the interest of joint living. But if one has to adjust more than ten percent, such an union is bound to break. In Suguna’s and Mukesh’s case, 90% adjustment was necessary which was impossible to achieve. Indeed they were better off divorced than married !
You should never rush into marriage. Suguna had done precisely that and without understanding the life style and beliefs of her future husband and the compatibility factors between them. Like beauty, the pre marriage love is also only skin deep. It is not a propeller shaft to ferry you through the whole voyage. All the other factors take over, after you had tied the nuptial knot. Unless your foundation is strong, no marriage will be happy and durable.
In this couple’s case, the foundation was very flimsy and therefore crumbled at the slightest shake. What constitute a strong foundation?
According to my thinking, the ingredients of a strong foundation are: common food habit, similar bringing up culture, the social status of the wife should be equal or lower than that of the husband’s, common religious belief and financial soundness of the husband.. Once these factors match, the super structure will rise up fast and the building will become complete and strong. Despite these parameters agreeing, adjustment of some kind would be necessary hut if that adjustment is more than 10% the marriage won’t work out.
I for one do not encourage inter region or inter caste marriage. Marry in your own social circle and social surroundings. Your union then will grow and won’t crumble at any degree of disturbance. The word ‘Divorce’ won’t be found in your vocabulary any longer and in fact you won’t even know its spelling.