How to avoid a Divorce

Suguna fell deeply in love with  Mukesh when she had gone to New Delhi on a college project work.. The love  was so overpowering Suguna felt that she could not live without Mukesh  even for a minute.  Immediately after her BA final examination, she forced her parents to marry her off  to Mukesh.

They got divorced exactly eight months later.Why?

Suguna  was a Tamilian from head to toe and from morning till evening  seven days a week. Whereas Mukesh was born and bred in New Delhi and had never moved out of the Capital in all his life.

Suguna found everything new and strange in her New Delhi home.  She couldn’t stand the sight of chappatis, parotas  and dhal  at the dining table nor every  house routine the whole day.

She was a Christian and  Mukesh, a staunch Hindu.

As days passed by, they couldn’t see eye to eye on any issue at all  and found no agreement on many things in their daily life.  Mukesh’s parents expected a different kind of behaviour from their daughter- in-law but Suguna’s thinking and conduct was like any Tamilian maiden’s. She was worshiping a different God, a foreign God for that matter which her in-laws didn’t quite approve of.

The only thing common between the young couple was the language; Suguna spoke both Hindi and English.  The deep love they had developed  for each other had waned out by the day and did not count for anything  after two weeks into the married life.

Suguna found no course of action appropriate  except to part ways through a divorce..  She was back in her Chennai home exactly 8 months after her marriage,  with all her dreams of a happy home fully shattered. She was a broken soul too with complete  aversion to live with a man ever again!

What went wrong with this young couple? A deep analysis is needed to be  a  lesson for those believers in mixed marriage.

National integration,  culture merging, the concept of  one God, one religion etc are all right in theory but don’t work in practice.  Any marriage would call for adjustment between the husband and wife. One has to give in  and accept some changes in the interest of joint living.  But if one has to adjust more than ten percent, such an union is bound to break.  In Suguna’s and Mukesh’s case, 90% adjustment  was necessary which was impossible to achieve.  Indeed they were better off divorced than married !

You should never rush into marriage. Suguna had done precisely that and without understanding  the life style and beliefs  of her future husband and the compatibility factors between them. Like beauty,  the pre marriage  love is also only skin deep. It is not  a propeller shaft to ferry you through the whole voyage. All the other factors take over, after you had tied the nuptial knot. Unless your foundation is strong, no marriage will be happy and durable.

In this couple’s case, the foundation was very flimsy and therefore  crumbled at the slightest shake. What constitute  a strong foundation?

According to my thinking, the ingredients of a strong foundation are: common food habit, similar bringing up culture, the social status of the wife should be equal or lower than that of the husband’s, common religious belief and financial soundness of the husband.. Once these factors match, the super structure will rise up fast and the building will become complete and strong.  Despite these parameters agreeing, adjustment of some kind would be necessary hut if that adjustment is  more than 10%  the marriage  won’t work  out.

I for one do not encourage inter region or inter caste marriage.  Marry in your own social circle and social surroundings.  Your union then will grow and won’t crumble at any degree of  disturbance.  The word ‘Divorce’ won’t be  found in your vocabulary  any longer and in fact you won’t even know its spelling.

3 Replies to “How to avoid a Divorce”

  1. Sir,

    With all due respect I would like to say that your article reeks of narrow minded sensibilities. Any marriage requires adjustment, and its success or failure depends on how maturely the two people involved are able to handle everyday affairs. And this is irrespective of what caste or religion one belongs to. Divorce rates are now higher than before not because of increased number of inter-caste and inter-religion marriages, but because women have learnt to stand up for themselves.

    FYI, I am a Kannadiga brahmin, married into a core Delhiite family, living with the whole bunch of my in-laws, and really happy after 3 years of marriage and a child 🙂 And yes, I had to adjust to the idea of no “madi”, “yenjalu”, the curt language and all the “parathas”, “rotis” and “chole/kadi”. But not sad, coz I know I’m going to bring up my son with the good things from both the cultures he belongs to…

  2. Sir,

    With all due respect I would like to say that your article reeks of narrow minded sensibilities. Any marriage requires adjustment, and its success or failure depends on how maturely the two people involved are able to handle everyday affairs. And this is irrespective of what caste or religion one belongs to. Divorce rates are now higher than before not because of increased number of inter-caste and inter-religion marriages, but because women have learnt to stand up for themselves.

    FYI, I am a Kannadiga brahmin, married into a core Delhiite family, living with the whole bunch of my in-laws, and really happy after 3 years of marriage and a child 🙂 And yes, I had to adjust to the idea of no “madi”, “yenjalu”, the curt language and all the “parathas”, “rotis” and “chole/kadi”. But not sad, coz I know I’m going to bring up my son with the good things from both the cultures he belongs to…

  3. I am not totally agree with it. Prior to the point made ” In Suguna’s and Mukesh’s case, 90% adjustment was necessary which was impossible to achieve.”, i would say, Love / Marriage don’t require any tangible entity [i.e. 90%, 60%]. These are can be tackled out by proper understanding.

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