Togetherness, to sleep or not to…?

Nothing wrong with pre marital sex

No, it’s not my caption. I read an article with this title in this morning’s news paper. I was horrified and disagreed violently with the publication. It so happens that it has been written by one Sofia, a Britisher. I am sure no Indian woman would have dared make such a suggestion ever.

Sofia claims that if a woman has enjoyed the pre marital sex, then she will have a healthy relationship after marriage. Absolutely wrong. Will such a woman stop with one such experience? Won’t she have more and possibly with newer men? In which case she is not likely to opt for marriage at all; she would have become a confirmed single girl gallivantor of a first class order.

I think pre marital sex is a taboo, at least in our Indian context. No Indian maiden would think of it nor a courting young man. It is a forbidden fruit or a fruit to be tasted at a later date. The longer the wait the sweeter will be the taste !

“Why not?” you may ask. “After all they are engaged to be married. So What’s the harm?” Such thinking will end up in sorrow and self guilt and self condemnation, friend. Your fiancé, whom you considered the most beautiful woman in the world, would suddenly look ugly in your very own eyes. Next, you are bound to feel so guilty that you may not like to touch her again because your conscience will tell you that you have done something prohibited by our culture. And you are most likely to run away too from her leaving her to fend for herself. You would not want to look at her face once again at all. You would embarrassed too because guilt will be eating into you. You would have lost all interest in her as well.

The above is not an imagination. It’ a true life experience. A and K were terribly in love. They had been engaged just some three months back and the marriage, for various reasons, was due some six months later.
But A couldn’t wait; he lived some three hundred miles away from K. One day he travelled all the way down to K’s place where she was living alone, being a teacher in an outstation. When you find your woman alone without any one around, your passion jumps to a new height. And that’s exactly what had happened. It’s not known if K approved of it but perhaps she had no role to play in the game. ‘A’ hating himself for the act took off back to his home leaving behind a weeping K. And K became pregnant in course of time. Pregnancy had to be terminated in a crude way because it had to be done in total secrecy.

A and K got married all right in due time. But the marriage turned out to be sour and insipid. K could never conceive again. And their marriage was sliding down to near zero level. Within three years they broke up. True, they didn’t divorce. But A one day suddenly abandoned her and turned to another woman. K looked absolutely loathsome in A’s eyes.

If only they had refrained from that horrible pre marital adventure, they would have been a happy couple with a couple of children and A would have been adoring her day in and day out. She would have looked gorgeous and gorgeous with each child.

If you are having any clandestine plan to do such thing as what A and K did, please give up the idea immediately. Delay it, delay it till the D day. Remember Shakespeare’s words, “To delay is to increase the pleasure…” and indeed you would experience much greater pleasure on your W day.

Eat bananas and eat more bananas for better health

I hope the title has not given you a negative meaning.  I really mean that you should eat plenty of bananas;  don’t stop with one.  OK?

Banana is a wonderful fruit and yet we use  the name as an idiom in a derogatory way like “banana republic” (an ill managed country)   and “going  bananas” (go crazy/silly) or “go banana” etc.

If only you know and you will  know all about banana by reading this article, you will never look down upon this fruit at all and on the contrary glorify it to the skies.

Do you know, bananas contain three natural sugars –sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fibre?  A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.  You would have seen our cricketers swallowing some pieces in the middle of the game.   Someone tells me that it prevents cramps as well.

Research shows that  just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous  workout of ninety minutes. Thus it is  the number one fruit all athletes and other games players  prefer.

Further, it can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet. You will never undergo any kind of depression if you eat it daily; it contains  tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood  and  generally make you feel happier. It’s good to eat a couple of bananas  before you go to meet your girl friend !

It contains vitamin B6 and regulates your  blood pressure.

Your brain would function better and more effectively. Some 200 students wrote their exams successfully  and were very alert in the exam hall after they had had a couple of bananas before the exam  started.

Banana is also a grandma medicine to cure constipation. Don’t go in for any laxatives.  One or two bananas would set your stomach right.

Do you suffer from hangover after heavy drinking night? Take one banana milk shake  and  sweetened with honey and you would be a fit person for the day.

Mosquito bites could be healed  by rubbing the inside of a banana skin on the affected area; instantly you would feel free from irritation.

Are you a smoker?  Do you want to give up smoking? The B6 and B12 contained in a banana would help the body recover from  the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

According to another research carried out in New England, eating banana routinely  as part of a  regular diet can cut the risk of death  by strokes by as much as 40%

If you want to get rid of a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart with the yellow side out;  carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical  tape.

A bun and a banana is a wholesome lunch  for several laborers who work for some eight hours carrying heavy loads or doing hard work.  And they don’t need anything else.

So,  banana is a natural remedy for many ills.  When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrates, three times the phosphorous, five times the vitamin A and iron and twice the other vitamins and minerals.  It is also  rich in potassium and is one of the best  foods around.

Therefore, don’t you think it is time we gave up using those damaging idiomatic  phrases and replaced them  with a  phrase  like   “A banana a day, keeps the doctor away !”

I wish to thank my colleague  Anil Bhat for providing quite a bit of the above  information on the subject  in our Army Signals  network.  Please forward this article to as many colleagues as you can.

Desk top or Lap top computer

In my family every one has a computer.  Oh no, they are not the hired stuff but legally purchased and legally owned equipment. When I was introduced to the computer, I was a little scared of this gadget?  ‘May I start from the simple model” I enquired. “OK?” approved my grand children.

Thus came on my table my first machine called P 1.  When  expanded  it read Pentium 1 with a 10 MB hard disk.  10 MB was quite a lot, ten million bytes? Wow?  My grand children laughed at me after some six months.  ”Come, come, grand pa, learn to live with the times.  Go in for a more modern computer with greater memory,” the kids advised. Step by step I reached P-4 within two years. The P4, has so many facilities that I don’t have the time nor patience to learn them all. So, although I have a model with 80 GB memory, I use just  5 GB  for sending e-mails, store up all my files, convert all my thoughts in terms of articles and short stories and store them in various files in the hard disk and of course talk on Skype with my son and grandson who are in USA.  And I am happy with the machine.

Then the grand children came with another proposal a few months later.  “Don’t you want to settle for a Lap top, grandpa?” they asked.  “How long are you going to live with this bulky stuff, eh?” This time my two children too joined the chorus.  “It’s so handy you know?” they all sang out.

Presently,I took out the trump card. “You chaps are very fond of Lap tops, aren’t you?”

“Of course, it is so handy.  You can take it with you  wherever you go  by foot or train or airline  as if  it is your brief case?”

“Perhaps, you don’t  know that a Lap top  is a dynamite of sorts..:?”

Completely shocked they cried out,  “Wh…at?”

”Our scientists have stated that the heat produced by  a  Lap during its  operation could increase the risk of infertility in you?”

The smallest grandson, 7 years,  wanted to know,  “What is infertility?”  He was told to shut up  and listen  by one of his  seniors.

A post  graduate engineer grandson  asked, “What would happen to women who also prefer to keep the darned machine in their lap?  Will their fertility quotient too  diminish with time?  Will they become barren some day?”

According to the scientists, “Yes”.

“There you are  children and grand children, see the danger a lap top holds for you and your  future wives”?”

I further went on:  Lap top doesn’t mean, you must always keep it on your lap and use it.  You can keep it anywhere, on top of a table or a chair or whatever including root top  except of course your lap.

“So, I stick to my grand old Desk top.  OK?” I announced as a finale.

The evolution of Men’s trousers

In the Fifties, men wore loose and baggy trousers, the leg end measuring about 48 inches in circumference. No one looked down upon these loose outfits since everyone wore the same type. In the Sixties, Indian men switched over to the ‘Bell bottoms’, which nearly flapped noisily and swept the floor as you walked. True, everyone didn’t go in for bell bottoms but the younger generation were very fond of this brand. In the Seventies, majority of the men opted for tight legs almost resembling the Ladies’ churidars. Here again, the male older generation stuck to the 34-36 inch bottoms and is continuing even now.

And now comes the news that the 34-36 inch bottoms are too tight and insulate the part down the waist from free air circulation. A particular Store is trying to market absolutely baggy stuff. A customer who walked the isle of the men’s wear department wondered if he was in the ‘night wear’ section. “No, No Sir, this is very much the men’s day wear division,” clarified the salesman.

“But, but, they all look like pyjamas, don’t they?”

The sales man put the customer wise. “They are called ‘Willow pants’
or ‘harem pants’ Sir.”

“To me, they look like ‘night dress’,” the shopper insisted.

“No, Sir. These are our future dress material and we are introducing the loose and wobbly trousers with an equally floppy top in the market. This is the trend of the future. The material is quite light and airy…”.

If adopted, all of us would like grandma’s getting ready to hit the bed.

The loose fitting pyjamas come with matching dangling floral tops. And in course of time may replace the conventional men’s suite as well.

A daring young man walked into his office wearing the willow pants and loose tops and the office goer had sported a sleepy face as well. His boss suddenly looked up and demanded, “Hey, have you come to the office to sleep or what? Get out of it and get into your usual trousers and shirt. Understand?”

The Young man tried to convey, “This is the dress of the future, Sir, … er …. the future fashion, Sir… Am feeling absolutely relaxed, you know?”

Nothing doing. The officer would hear nothing of that sort. He felt that ordinary Veshtis and long open shirts, worn by the Southerners, looked far more decent and presentable comparatively. He summoned the office peon to throw him out of the office immediately!

School education then and now

I was astonished to learn that my father had studied only up to 8th standard. What 8th standard only? I chuckled. I raised this question in the year 1940 when I got promoted to the 9th standard. My father was born in the year 1880 and he would have had his schooling beginning 1885.

In the 19th century, 8th standard was considered pretty high and most students even in the USA ended their studies at 8th. Even this was of a very high standard.

The same trend seems to have existed in India as well under the British rule. The medium of instruction then was English. Many students didn’t go beyond 8th. Completing 10th ( the present day S.S.L.C) was considered a big land mark event. An S.S.L.C qualified boy was highly respected in the society in the 1940’s. Less than 5% of the High school pass outs went to college.

I have no record to show you how high the curriculum was in India for the 8th standard. But I have dug out the final examination of Std VIII in the USA in the year 1895. It is reproduced down below. The exam itself lasted only one day for 5 hours and every student was required to clear all the five papers in one go. I wonder if VIIIth standard students of today could cope with the 1895 syllabus.

1895, 8th grade final exam

What it took to get an 8th grade education in 1895…

Remember when our grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education, we were surprised, weren’t we?? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina , Kansas
USA . It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina , and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th Grade Final Exam:
Salina , KS – 1895

Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications
3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph.
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of ‘lie,’ ‘play,’ and ‘run’
5. Define case; illustrate each case.
6. What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
7 – 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time,1 hour 15 minutes)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. Deep, 10 feet Long, and 3 ft. Wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs, what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs for tare?
4. District No 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find the cost of 6,720 lbs. Coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7percent per annum.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft long at $20 per metre?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus .
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States ..
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton , Bell , Lincoln , Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour)
[Do we even know what this is? – The conventional spelling system in any language.]

1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret ‘u’.
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final ‘e.’ Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane , vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)
1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas ?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America .
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia , Odessa , Denver , Manitoba , Hecla , Yukon , St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco .
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each..
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Note that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete.

The saying, ‘he had an 8th grade education’ is not to look down upon the scholar at all.

The chart also shows you how poor our current education system has become. Have you an answer?


Different moods, different reactions

Different moods, different reactions

People would do all sots of things when they get into any kind of abnormal moods. All of us do that. Sometimes we may not even realize why we do some crazy things. The scientists have a different outlook on various moods and have advised how to quell those nasty frames of mind.

Little Bunty, age 4, was very annoyed when his mummy didn’t allow him to go some six streets away to play cricket with his friends. There was no suitable play ground in his own area nor were there many boys with aptitude for cricket. So, what did he do? He went quietly over to the bed room where his small sister Bullu , 1 year, was sleeping and pinched her nicely until she howled. Oh was Bunty happy at the result? He charged out but the mother caught him and whacked him equally nicely. Bunty, being a boy, suffered it all and never cried. In his opinion only sissies cry !

Teen age is a junction point, especially for girls. They develop new body symptoms and their brain gives them ideas to do naughty things. Sheila had many girl friends in her colony. All of them would meet every day in the evening hours in someone’s house for some gossip session and while away their time. What did they talk? you ask. All sorts of things: about their teachers, about the extra curricular activities inside and outside school, about book worms in their class, movies, about what some boys did to some girls during lunch break in their school and so on..

One day Leela, 16 years, felt, “Why can’t I have some boy friends? These girls are a bore?” She knew one or two boys in her colony. She rang up Suman and asked, “What you doing, Suman?” “Nothing in particular, Leelu. Why, feeling fed up or what?”

My mummy scolded me today for getting low marks in the monthly progress test in Chemistry. I feel awful, you know?”

“Hey, come over to my house. I shall cheer you up ?” Suman, the first year undergraduate said..
“Really? How?” She didn’t want to waste much time on telephone and so walked over to Suman’s house. The moment she saw Suman in an attractive T shirt, her spirit soared up and she embraced him and held him tight in her arms. In those few glorious moments she forgot all about Chemistry. If Suman was surprised and also thrilled at the intimacy , he didn’t show his enthusiasm and didn’t stop her either. “Leelu, shall we walk around?”

“Sure. Why not?”
Some half an hour later, Leela’s father appeared near the park and detached her. He dragged her home. And as soon as they stepped into their home, the father slapped the 16 year old Leela all over her face. “How many times had I told you not to mix with boys, eh?”

“Suman is a nice young man, Dad,” she pleaded.
“That’s all the more reason you shouldn’t mix with him..”.
Suman was a Don Juan in the colony and many parents knew about him.

Young wives have a different method of reacting when they are off mood. Sunita had a big tiff with her servant maid, who was a chatter box and a kind of a fighter cock. In their two minute argument session, Sunita found herself losing and actually she had lost. “Losing in a verbal battle to a servant maid?” Sunita went off mood. She needed to do something to get her normal temperature and pressure back. She flung away some make up items including powder tins and lip sticks in her dressing room. The white walls became coloured with red lines and sine wave shapes savoured with the white powder. After some five minutes the young wife felt calmed.

Monica, another young wife, had a small tiff with hubby Dina nath. Hubby raised his voice at the wife when she demanded that he take her to a movie. They were a well to do couple and quite rich. “Nothing doing,” Dina said. “I have a bridge session in the club at 7 p.m. Go to hell, “ Naturally this was too great a blow for Monica. She just recalled the article she had read earlier in the day on the recommendation of a group of scientists about how to overcome depression – “to go shopping when you are depressed…”

Monica dashed to the garage , before Dina took out the car to go to the club, drove straight to a few shopping malls and purchased things left right and centre using her joint credit card.. After an hour or so, she felt at peace and started breathing normally. The damage, fifteen thousand rupees.

As a good wife she did tell Dinanath later that night that she had made purchases worth 15,000 before they dozed off to sleep. “Is it?” hubby echoed back and pulled her into his arms. He had won a couple of hundreds himself in the bridge game earlier in the club.

The Scientists’ recommendation is an expensive variety but you can try it next time if you are a credit card holder.

Could God have made a mistake in His creation process?

Does the Creator God ever make mistakes in any of His actions? Some people think that He does sometime and in fact He had already committed one.

Though everything He had put inside and outside the Earth is for the Humans’ benefit, what good is a mosquito for us? Why did He create these winged creatures which seem to be anti people? If anything they cause diseases like Malaria, dengue fever and what not and seldom any good for men and women.

It’s certain that Adam and Eve would have complained to God about the nuisance value of these biting insects, more so since they had no bed sheet or any kind of clothes to cover themselves from these aerial attackers. “We cannot sleep because of these monsters, Father God,” they would have cringed.

God might have thought over the request and told them, “You had better find a remedy by yourselves.” When our first parents scratched their chin for a solution, God might have shown them some plant. “Ah, that is it,’ they would have exclaimed and possibly rubbed it on their skin. Presto. The mosquitoes didn’t bother them thereafter. But this medicine proved effective only for a few months and the fellows came in hordes later as if to take vengeance. The killer insects had developed some immunity against the medicinal plant.

This routine has been going on till now. Researchers and industrialists have been introducing in the market from time to time several kinds of sprays, cream, vapour, tablets, liquid, electronic devices etc to protect the human bodies from these suckers. And the mosquitoes in their turn, have been evolving immunity of some kind against each measure and after a while start their biting game all over again. Do they also have an
R & D department of sorts?

Scientists also tell us that the effect of the various repellants available in the market lasts just about two hours or so. So, our night time prowlers would wait for these two hours to pass and then attack us like hell. By then we too would be too fast asleep to feel anything about their bites.

Some months back, the Defence scientists came with a chemical compound called DEPA (Diethil, phenyl and acetamide). It is a non-toxic and non irritant chemical that prevents mosquitoes from sensing the human flesh and therefore would be unable to bite us. DEPA does not kill or repel mosquitoes but confuses and disorients them. In other words, this chemical plays on their mental faculties. On contacting DEPA, they would swoon but not lose all their senses and might ask, “Where am I? What am I doing here? Who am I?” which is reminiscent of our Hindi film dialogue. And thus they would forget their role of biting and remain in a state of imbroglio for a pretty long time.

DEPA is meant for the Defence personnel who have to fight from various kinds of terrains which are never free from mosquitoes.

Lately, the American scientists also have come out with a kind of gas
that would upset their thinking system and prevent them from smelling and sucking out human blood. The gas is similar in effect to DEPA.

When and how will these creatures work out a resistance against the new chemicals and gas, is anybody’s guess. But, work out they would
because the mosquito brand R & D department keeps itself up to date and moves with the time!

Creation is around 7000 years old according to the Biblical calculations. We haven’t been able to eliminate the mosquito menace in seven thousand years. So, it would appear that God wants us to live and let mosquitoes also live along side us in the tropical regions of the Earth. Therefore we have to tolerate them and keep on inventing one anti dote measure after another on the time scale.

Happiness has a darker side

Happiness has a darker side

Has the title startled you a bit? It did to me. This is not my title. Had it been so, I would have explained and justified it as well. But it is some Scientist’s
caption. So, I read it with total eagerness.

Incidentally I like the scientists a lot. They come out with unusual findings and thoughts and shake you out of your state of happiness. Then you feel sad. That is the darker side. Now do you understand the dangers of being happy?

Once I gave a little boy some chocolates, which looked new to my eyes because my son had brought them from Dubai. The young chap’s face shone like the Sun and he remarked, “Is it all for me?”

“Yes, of course?”

While a flashy smile appeared on his face, he asked innocently, “Grandpa, can I hog?”

“Go ahead sonny. It’s all yours…”

You wouldn’t believe, he swallowed three big chocolate bars in one gulp and relished the taste to the core. He looked to his left and right wiping off the left over from his lips. I knew what he wanted to ask. He hesitated, hesitated for a pretty long time. Then his face sunk. Because he felt shy to ask for more, more so since there was nothing in my hand. Now, that’s the darker side of happiness.

And here comes a bomb shell right from the scientists’ mouth. Mind you, they had done a lot of research before giving out this revelation. Happiness shouldn’t be thought of as an universally good thing because of some criteria. Not all types and degree of happiness are equally good. Even pursuing happiness can make people feel worse. Setting a goal of happiness could indeed backfire. People who strive for happiness, at whatever the cost, may end up worse off than when they started.

Please note that the above finding would imply that you should never seek happiness ever in your life because of its darker side possibly.

If you think that the strongest predictor of happiness is money or some kind of recognition for you or a couple of successes in your life, you are completely wrong..

And here is their finale. You derive complete happiness when you have meaningful social relationships. According to my thinking, this too has its darker side especially when one of those ‘good relationship’ guys tells you to go to hell. Then your face would sink and you would return home a dejected person.

I hope you have understood all about happiness and its ill effects on your body system. If you ask my personal opinion, you should never never go after happiness at all Let the happiness come to you on its own. It has legs and hands, you know? Once it comes to you, grab it and hang on to it like a leech.

Is marriage a mile stone or mill stone?

Vasanthi is not like  other software engineers.  Not only she is a cat’s whisker on software  designs but is also a very knowledgeable  woman about life itself.

To put you off completely on the topic of  ‘Marriage” she asks, “Did Adam and Eve get married?” They just started living together, that’s all. And God too had approved of this  arrangement.”  Ha, ha, she laughs.

“So, what is the harm living with a man in the same apartment without marrying him officially in the current century?”

“ Yes, absolutely  no harm,” says Monica, her girl friend. “For how long Vasanthi?”

Vasanthi simply shrugs.

Monica presses on.  “What if  Suresh walks out on you?”

“No problem Monica,” Ramesh is in the waiting line. “He is also an SWE , you know?”

“What if your parents want to see their grand children?”

Vasanthi puts her thinking cap on and remarks, “You have a point there, Monica.   Why not adopt one?  You know going through pregnancy, delivering the baby (they say, you have to go through severe labour pain), bringing up the child, sending it to school, college and all…..”

“Would you send her to an Engineering college and  in  the Software discipline?”

“Oh no, not on the  IT thing. I would hate to see  her living like me…”

“What?  What ?” Monica screams. “Why can’t she opt for the live-in type like Adam and Eve?”

“Never, Monica. I would want her to lead an honourable life, you know?”

“So, you accept that the life you are living now is dishonourable.


Vasanthi remains silent. Her mind slowly changing Vasanthi asks, “What is your advice, Monica?“

“Go home.  Ask your parents to find a good husband for you. OK?”

“What if he finds out that I am not a virgin.  Will  he be a broadminded man?” inquired Vasanthi.

“He may not be at all, you see? Why don’t you opt for a software engineer who had led a similar life like you?  Confess to him and he indeed would accept you. Perhaps he too may be tired of the live-in style  of life and want a permanent one like all Indians?  ‘Marriage’ is a big  land mark in one’s life.   It’s not a mill stone. What do you say?”

Within the next two hours, Vasanthi moves bag and baggage to her parental home. On her way out, she happened to ask, “When are you getting married, Monica.”

“Three months from  date. You would attend my wedding, won’t you?”.

“Sure.  Along with  my husband !”

How to write an eye catching title

Nobody would deny that ‘Writing’ is a good hobby. It doesn’t call  for any monetary investment at all.  All it needs is, your time, patience and determination.

I too was bitten by this desire long long  ago.  I tried my hand at one or two and got dejected when they were rejected by the Editor. “You are not doing the right thing,  Jay” a voice said.

“So, what do I do?”

“Go to a writer of some standing and ask for his guidance.”

And I did.  He had been a writer for well over 15 years. Surely, he must be  able to guide me,  I had thought .

“Ah, come in Jay.  Come in.  Now what can I do for you?”

“Sir, I want to be a good writer.  Writer of Articles and short stories.  You,  being a renowned author, can put me on the right track, can’t  you?”

I decided to address him ‘Sir’ to boost up his ego.  Creating a right frame of mind in him, looked to be a pre-requisite. Next, when you want to learn something from a Guru, you must humble yourself and sit at his feet.  Never claim equality and sit next to him in another chair.

I shall call him PF.  Can’t use his full name. I don’t even know if he is around today.  Nevertheless, I must take some  precaution to protect my skin.

“It’s very simple, Jay….”  He paused, looked deep into my eyes and asked, “Are you good at Grammar? Can you write grammatically correct English sentences?”

“Yes, Sir.  I have not come for lessons on English but on writing in English.”  I wanted to show off a little.  But he didn’t seem to appreciate  my pun.

PF then talked about weather, his circle of friends and how much he slogs for producing an article.

“Carry on, Sir  I  am listening.”.

Then scratching his chin PF soliloquised., “Oh yes you have come to learn the art of writing.  I forgot?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“It’s very simple, Jay….”  He drawled. I though t I had heard this line a little earlier from his very  mouth. “Writing is simple..”  he repeated looking at the open sky.

“How Simple, Sir?” I had the temerity to ask.

“ Simple. Don’t you understand….”

“I don’t understand, Sir” I replied bluntly.

“All right,” PF said, cleared his throat and continued, “You must have good control over the language. Don’t be verbose.  Write always to the point.”

He didn’t bother to find out  whether I was listening to his discourse or not.  He was on a solo mission.

“The language must be smooth.  Don’t use bombastic words. Use simple and commonly understood  words…..”

“Okay?” he asked and focused his eyes on mine.  He didn’t seem to notice the utter confusion  my face displayed.

“Thank you PF,”I wished and left his house having become none the wiser.

Nowadays, several articles do appear on the net on the technique of writing. The first advice I read everywhere is, “Your title must be  attractive, to capture the attention of your reader in one wink”  and then follows a lot of meaningless verbiage that doesn’t tell you a word  about how to design an attractive  title.  These  so called tips haven’t  made me any better a writer.  And dozens of readers praise the article with clichés like, “Good article”, “very informative”  “Now I know where I go wrong, thank you, thank you” etc etc.”   Readers’ comments are as empty as the article !!

I still don’t have the faintest idea on  how to fabricate an eye catching title. The tips given therein are as irrelevant as PF’s advice on writing.

Why Do I Write?

Lately,  many articles under the same caption have appeared in a number of e-magazines. Some writers have told the truth and some have conveyed only half truths about why they write. Therefore I am prompted to write the full truth as to why I write.

The writing bug caught me when I was in IX th standard in school.  We had learnt the art of writing Composition and Essays. Why not try a hand  at writing an article of sorts following the same technique and send it to a magazine? “Yes, why not?” agreed T.Samuel Raj, my class mate and also  kind of rival  on academics.l

“All right, go on then,” we gave the command to ourselves.

I wrote a critical piece on the latest Tamil film, like I was a big film Director.  Sometime in the Thirties, very  few films were released and I would have seen probably just two or three of them in two to three years.  As Boarders we were not allowed to visit a theatre.  So, we had to go to a late night movie clandestinely  after all the others inmates had fallen asleep.” “Didn’t the hostel  warden catch you? “ you ask.  Of course he did. But then, that’s a different topic.  Now back to writing.

Presto, my contribution was accepted and printed in a monthly magazine.  So was Samuel Raj’s in a different journal.  He had written a satire concerning an young housewife as if he had known the life style of all young wives.

We patted each other.  It’s so great to see your own name in print.

Both of us were tickled to death and flew in cloud nine.  “So, we do have the writing talent in us, eh?” I reminded  Samuel. We showed the article to all our friends in school but never to any of our teachers. You know the reason, why?

Our names in print must have motivated quite a few of our friends.  “We too will have a shot at it,” some said and produced something.  All rejected. They came to us.  Raj and I refused to help them. “Can’t have rivals in the same school…!”

“What did we get as our remuneration?”  A copy of the magazine, that’s all.   It was a big bonanza too.  We couldn’t have purchased  a copy with our pocket money.  So a complimentary issue was as good as  ‘two annas’, a third of our monthly pocket money.

It was wonderful   to see the conversion  of our handwritten sentences in  black print form. I wondered what would have been the Editor’s reaction if he had known we were only young teen agers.  Possibly  we had sounded like mature adults in his assessment and that’s why he accepted our contributions.

The writing bug had continued in my case.  And even today I write  and write regularly, just to see my name  and my thoughts in print.

I don’t know where Samuel Raj is.  Have lost touch with him since leaving school. After reading this  piece, will he get in touch with me? I hope so.

The water melon heads

In recent days, three  colleagues  of mine appeared  before me with shaven heads, completely tonsured  without a single  standing hair.  “How come?”I asked.  They just shrugged.; no particular reason.

Like different hair styles, bald head  also  seems to have become a style of its own.. The latest outsider to join the band wagon is the Indian cricket team captain. As soon as he won the world  cup, he had got his head  shaved off .

“Who shaves your head?” I asked Sathish.  “I do it myself,” he said proudly.  Noticing my  astonished look he added  “If you  could shave your face every day yourself, why can’t I shave  my head myself once in three days? “ A very logical argument indeed. Shaving your own head indeed calls for some skill.

But Praveen, the youngest in the group said, “Uncle, I go to a Saloon.  The barber there takes hardly five minutes to run his machine over the head and it is done.”

Caressing the melon  head with his palm Rajan  said, “It feels nice you know?” “Nice?” I screamed back.  “Listen,  the summer temperature in the Southern part of India is now around forty degrees Celsius. Could your scalp put up with it?”.  “No.  I always wear a hat or a cap or something  to cover my head  when I am out door.”

I was aware that normally men begin to bald around 40.  Have my three musketeers pre-empted nature and made  the whole process look as if it was their choice?   Possibly.


Do the female genders also  go bald? Rarely, I should think.  Hair is the chief asset for a woman.  They nurse it like a baby right from teen age days.  Every woman is proud of her hair and  she goes in for such a hairstyle which would be appreciated not only by the Men around her but also by  her own  clan.

According to my information, while 75% of men go bald anytime after 40, women don’t.  A very small percentage may and that too after 60.  Such women would cover their head with a scarf  and probably  say that it was her doctor’s orders to protect the head from bright light.  Men, innocent as they are, would titter  at her fate and sympathise with her. But women would not buy that argument. They know the real reason.

So, next time you see a woman with a  colourful scarf, compliment her at the selection of the scarf and never ask why she is wearing it.  You will make her tell lies then!!

Do we need a system change in every field for a better future?

The modern time managers keep shouting, “Change, change… for the better?”  We need to change with the time and with the new atmosphere and concepts.  Towards this, the Managers pack off the old hags in  their organization  under compulsory retirement because they are a bad influence on the younger generation who seek changes.

And yet we don’t want any kind of changes in certain areas.

The Central  station is a big land mark in the city of Chennai.  A  General Manager of Southern Railway  once had ordered a new pattern of colour scheme for the Central’s exterior.  And Bang came  vociferous  protests from the public.  They are so used to the crimson red and light yellow combination for the exterior that they wouldn’t accept any modification.   So, the public made a hue and cry and promptly the GM reversed his decision  and restored the old model  back.

A couple of years back, the lawyer community of  Chennai suggested they switch over to  an Yellow coloured gown in place of the black gown. They had become somewhat tired  of  the ghost type  costume ! But the public opposed the idea and  wouldn’t let them take to something else.. “What non sense? We want to see them only in black.  Black is beautiful…”

The craze had died down and now they are back to the black.

For years, the insignia for a doctor in a hospital, be it a government hospital or private, has been  a long white coat.  You can recognise a doctor from miles through his white coat. But the researcher claim that the white coat, tie and stethoscope curled  round the neck of a doctor carry microbes including ‘super bugs’ which are anti biotic resistant bacteria.  Thus, the doctors’ apparel is infectious !

The government hospitals in Chennai have forbidden the wearing  of white coats by the doctors, inside ICUs. The Health secretary of the State government has forewarned that they may completely prohibit the use of  white coats in the  wards, outpatient halls, treatment rooms etc in  all city and District hospitals in course of time.

The  study of the ill effects of   the white coat paraphernalia had been carried out by one of the government hospitals in Chennai. Will others accept its findings ?  Will WHO (World Health organisation)?   Anyway, until WHO endorses the verdict we perhaps need a status quo on the issue. Unfortunately, this being a technical matter, the people  cannot  raise a hand of objection if what is proposed is in the general interest of the patients.

So, friends if you are  an in patient and a group of medicos are advancing towards your bed, you wouldn’t know who the true doctor is, especially if he has hidden his stethoscope inside his trouser pocket.

We need an iron hand and a ruthless heart to eradicate corruption in India

Corruption  is the topic on every lip in India as of now.  Our veteran ANNA HAZARE has undertaken a fast unto death for introduction of the Lok Pal bill in the Parliament. There are many protests, street processions, demonstrations  and local meetings  clamouring that corruption should  be eradicated from our midst.

Corruption is not akin to a headache  which could be set right  by taking some pain killers. Nor would it vanish just  by wishing it.  It is so deep rooted in our life system  that only a major surgical operation could  eliminate it.

You would be equally aware that  “Passing a legislation” is no big achievement in our land.. It is the  implementation of that law that we need to concentrate upon.  Will the future Lok Pal act decisively? True, it depends who the incumbent is. If he is an useless fellow, like most of our Viglance officers are, the Lok Pal bill will remain a paper tiger.  Now coming to the  sincere implementation part, will our MPs and other Netas,  let the Lok Pal enforce the law and show  result?  Isn’t the reluctant  attitude of  a group of Ministers recently failing to evolve a method to arrest and curb corruption proof enough  of their mind set? Obviously they do not want any law against corruption.  Haven’t they indirectly admitted that they have skeletons in their cupboards?

Our politicians are double faced monsters. They will  vote in favour of any bill inside the Parliament  but act against it tooth and nail outside the Parliament building.   So many  legislations  have died a natural death over the time axis on account  of non action or lack of determination to act..

We don’t need a Lok Pal or new legislation to deal with corruption at all. The exiting laws are good enough. What we need is an iron hand and a ruthless heart to carry them through. The will to punish must be foremost in every mind.  Unfortunately our leaders do not want to punish anyone for any kind of offence for the fear of losing their votes. Amazing, isn’t it?  This is the price one has to pay for making  “Politics a profession”. We have digressed.  This is a big subject in it self.  Let us apply our mind on eliminating corruption.

We don’t need new laws.  The present ones are adequate. Since there would be mountains and mountains of charge sheets, we need to set up special courts for corruption.  We also need to lay down that the minimum punishment for any kind of corrupt practice,  is five years rigorous imprisonment and maximum life/death.  There is no requirement for the Defendant to employ a lawyer.  Lawyers in the past have never been helpful in the speedy disposal of cases.  However if fundamental rights or any constitutional provisions are involved, he/she may be permitted to employ a lawyer but  strictly under orders of the concerned Judge.

Once the  prosecution has submitted the evidence from its side, the defendant is required to prove his/her innocence through his own witnesses and documents.

A time limit is to be observed. All offences should be compartmentalised into  three categories – A, B, C.   C is the most serious types which should not take more than  six months for finalisation.

We need to have an exhaustive definition on what corruption  is.  It would constitute, violation of any existing  law/rule, cheating, dishonest dealings, inefficiency and overlooking any  malpractices in his jurisdiction and any conduct which is  against the  interests of the country and society.

The small time thieves

Men and Women are of  various kinds and classes  such as Aristocrats,  Crore patis, Society men and women, Political  Leaders, Managers, subordinate staffs, sanitary workers  and so on.  Perhaps you haven’t realised that  there is a grading  yardstick among thieves also.  The  top ones are murderers, dacoits, looters of rich men, big money swindlers  and pick pockets.

The big money swindlers always think in terms of  millions and Crores.  Remember the 2G scams and Common wealth games big contracts in India? Even some bank managers fall under this category.  They are also the people who deposit their spoils in Swiss banks.  “Why not Indian Banks?” you ask. “No, never, chee, chee. The Indian banks  are for small time investors who  are happy to get Rs 500 as annual interests.”

Then  we come to the pick pockets.  They are also  known as  the small time thieves. They would be more than satisfied if they could dig into your pocket to collect  a few currency notes or coins or  flick your money purse or a Lady’s hand bag. These will contain  only small amounts say not more than five hundred rupees or so. The STT ( “Small Time Thieves’) will be quite  pleased with the small amounts  thus acquired.

And here is another type of  STT  as reported in the Press. A news dispatch from Kulalampur says that  some ladies have complained  disappearance of their lingeries, clipped on a string  at  the backyard for drying, are vanishing just like that. The culprits could be STT’s also for experiencing   cheap thrills at handling the  womanly items.

A trap was laid to catch these sexual predators.  Alas!  They were not human STTs but crows who have been stealing these precious items for building their nests.

Crows are expert nest builders. They normally go in for twigs and sticks for designing their homes.  But the Malaysian crows seem to have changed over to using human clothes   for their construction work.  Admittedly they would need  only small pieces of the human wear;  they can’t carry men’s trousers or shirts or ladies’ pants or nighties and sarees ctc.  So their target have been bras, panties and hand kerchiefs.

Residents in Simon Lee, Malaysia have stated that more than 20 people in its neighbourhood have lost their undergarments in the last two months.  Thousands of crows have made their homes in the trees that line up the roads in Simon Lee area.

Have you any suggestions to give  the  lady citizens of Simon Lee about how to  safeguard their under garments?

My first horse ride

My first horse  ride was a memorable one and even today, after some 55 years, I remember its details vividly well.

My first posting as a Second Lieutenant in the Indian Army  was to a Brigade headquarters in peace area as its communication officer. It was my first day in the Officers’  Mess.  Around 1630 hours, I came out of my room dressed in my sports kit. “Ah ! There  you are,” I heard an officer greet me.  He was a Sikh officer by the name Gurcharan Singh, a Captain. Without any preamble he seated me on a brown horse.  “Gold Spot is a fine fellow.  He understands English.  You can give him all your commands in perfect English.  Now, off you go..” he said and gave a gentle pat at the horse’s hindquarters.

The Captain didn’t even ask me if I knew horse riding. Probably he had taken it for granted that all Permanent commissioned officers passing out of Indian Military Academy had been trained on all sorts of things including horse riding.

Gold spot moved out of the Mess compound, stepped on the main road and kept to the left.  “Good road sense,” I complimented him. The stallion acknowledged  my  appreciation  with a slight gurgle. He walked leisurely and grandly.  I too felt proud to be sitting on an excellent English knowing horse. After covering some hundred yards, I gave the command, “Trot” and got into the trotting motion myself.

School children were passing by. Suddenly I noticed that the person trotting was me and not the horse.  “Aren’t you supposed to trot too?” I reminded GS.  Nothing doing.  On the contrary, he slouched,  lowered his massive head and started smelling the ground. He conducted himself  so shabbily that nobody would say he was a horse, much less an Army horse. I was going to say, “Stop  behaving like an ass, Goldie,”  but checked my tongue immediately. I feared that the English knowing horse may feel offended and behave really like a wild donkey. “Won’t you please trot    Mister Gold Spot?” I pleaded amiably. “School children are laughing at me, don’t you see?”

I started  trotting more vigorously now to make it known to the school kids that I knew the art of trotting and it was the horse which didn’t now its job.

I must have made a funny sight too, dressed in white shorts, shirt and white canvas shoes. “Listen Mister Gold Spot, I shall report you to Captain Gurcharan Singh, understand?  I am an officer and you are disobeying an officer’s legal command. You need to be punished for disobedience. In response Goldie shook his huge body nearly throwing me down.  I managed to steady myself.  Taking this as a warning I said, “Gold Spot, shall we return home?”    This time, he agreed to obey, turned around and headed officers mess -wards.

Gurcharan was there to receive us. “Ah, there, Lieutenant.  Had a nice ride  Hope Goldie didn’t give you any trouble.  He is a bit of a mischievous animal too, you know?

At this Goldie focused his eyes at me  as  if warning, “Be careful of what you say.  OK?”  I felt like a little child afraid of its frightful ayah.  “No, nothing, Gold Spot is a fine horse,” I remarked.

Gold spot obviously appeared pleased and gurgled like saying, “That’s better.”  That was my first and last horse ride in my Army life.

Meet a home breaker called, COFFEE

Any marriage is God ordained. If God had not willed it, you and your dear wife wouldn’t have come together ever. In  a Christian wedding service, the pastor, after pronouncing them husband and wife also will make a  statement right in the church “What God had joined,  let no  man try to separate them.”

Therefore if you find that some naughty guy is trying to create discord between them or a kind  of suspicious atmosphere to make them shout at each other,  we must hammer that  fellow mercilessly. Don’t you agree? Such a  home wrecker should be banished from the society and the land itself. Or, we should make him stand at the sea shore when there is a news of an impending  tsunami  so that he gets washed away and driven to the centre of the ocean.

But what do you do when the wrecker is not a human being but a ‘thing’, called coffee?  Yes, coffee seems to have  become a home breaker !

After considerable research, the scientists have discovered  that if women drink cups and cups of coffee, their brain gets highly stimulated and would function with the greatest efficiency even  during stressful situations. Actually, they would find themselves on top of Mount Everest.

But if the husband gulps as many cups, he will become dull and stupid  and behave as if he were a  vegetable. He is also likely to take wrong decisions.

Is this fair on the part of coffee – working in opposite direction in the same house and between two souls united by God Himself?

But then there is a plus point.. If  a wife  wants her hubby to cancel the Golfing session that afternoon, all she has to do is to give him  two cups of decaffeinated coffee and presto he would immediately toss off his golf bag in a corner and yodel.

But as regards the wife,  she will not only act like a super woman but  also her risk of stroke will stand reduced by  25 – 30 percent.   The scientists, may God bless them liberally,  have further revealed  that  coffee may  help ward off diabetes, liver cancer  and scores of other  dangerous health hazards, in women.

Although the scientists have not said so specifically, we  may deduce that men will get heart stroke, diabetes and all other diseases  if they drink as many cups   as the wives.

Don’t you see a kind of formula  herein that if you want to commit suicide and leave your wife as a widow, don’t go to the beach or collect a piece of rope and head for the fan  to hang yourself  but  just walk into your kitchen and drink volumes of   coffee brother,  cup after cup and you will take off to the next world within a day !!.

A wag tells me.  “All this is all right. Have you checked up the coffee price in the market? It’s very high, brother.  Your budget may not  allow you more than one cup  per day.  So, we are safe as long  as the food inflation remains high,  I mean both the husband and wife.  They will never get to drink so many cups.  Never.

What is your caste?

The census enumeration exercise is now over in India.  It may take   six  more months or so for the results to come out. School teachers had been assigned the task going from house to house for a head count of persons living in each house.

After noting down all my  basic particulars such as date of birth, place of birth etc, the young lady came to the point “Caste”.  When I tightened my forehead at the question, she said, “What is your caste?”

My answer was simple. – Indian. ”I have no caste, my dear Lady,”

I told her.  I do not know what she wrote in the census chart.

Why should anyone be bothered about one’s caste and religion.  The religious belief  is one’s own personal preference and  information. I don’t have to tell anyone what my religion is.  Nor does anyone have a right to know about it.  At least not in  the official data sheet. These need to be removed from all types of application forms and history records.  The questionnaire need ask only about a candidate’s nationality and whether he/she is resident or non-resident Indian. That’s all.

I know we are trying to help out and promote  the prospects of Schedule castes and Tribes.  This is perfectly legitimate and a right course of action but then for how long? Aren’t sixty three years sufficient?.  All right, let’s give them some thirty more years.  So, by the end of  2047 A.D,  these two unfortunate set of people should merge with the rest of Indians.

Thereafter, all Indians must be considered equal and treated as such as well.  Let’s have a casteless society in India.

We do have something known as “Below poverty line.” They are entitled to a number of benefits. But, will a BPL remain a BPL for ever?

Have we a method of verifying their status from time to time and  upgrade them to the next level?  No.  A BPL  appears to be  a life time stamp mark.  Even an IAS officer could be a BPL !.  Imagine such things happening in the computer  era.

We talk about security.  As things are, anyone who looks like an Indian with Indian features could infiltrate and live in India. Have we a method of identifying  non-Indians and deport them?  No.  On the contrary, these imposters get  ration cards and have their names included in the electoral list too.

We perhaps need to tell the world. “India is a free country. All are welcome.”

Corruption ! You won’t be around for long in India

Corruption is the topic of the day on every lip.  More revelations are made daily about who the corrupt are, how much money and other assets they have amassed and so on. Amazingly, the persons whom we thought were honest and straightforward too have come into the list. It’s a stab at our back, isn’t it?

To eradicate this volume of corruption, we need to resort to several varieties of operations on the same human body one after the other. These operations have to be ruthless.

It would be useful to identify the reasons  how we have come to this sorry state.  Some sixty years back or immediately after our Independence in 1947, the politicians, bureaucracy  and the business community were   more honest.  One never heard of corrupt Indians. Yes, there could have been small time thieves including small bribe takers to give you a telephone connection or power connection or get some certificate signed etc. But never looters in   Lakhs and Crores prevailing  now.

There are two reasons, according to me, why corruption has grown in size  to heavy proportions and  become an uncontrollable giant. Politicians did not want to punish anyone for any kind of offence.  I remember, late  Mr. Morarji Desai, one of the Prime Ministers saying in the Parliament  that  “officers should be more tactful.”  In other words, the lower down clerks and supervisors and junior officers  were angels and should not be  blamed ever for any kind of  lapse by the officer cadre.

This kind of stand on the part of the government  gave rise to new work ethics. The low level staffs went about with their chest forward with a notion, “Nobody can touch me. I can do what I like and nothing would happen.”  And the officer cadre became totally demoralized and disillusioned.  They could not maintain  any kind of discipline and work efficiency  in their field of operation.  Since their writ did not run, they took a passive attitude and became silent spectators.

Next, our courts have been very lenient and soft on the offenders. I don’t think they punished even one guy for storing up illegal wealth.

The Indian Penal code lays down the maximum punishment for every  offence .  Most of these are restricted to some two years.  And many  citizens have worked out a strategy on  how  to condense the two years thing to two months or two weeks.  So, there was no fear of punishment in an Indian’s mind at all.

On the contrary, the law should lay down the minimum punishment and the maximum should be life term or death. One could get life even for a small offence like cutting the red signal at the  traffic point and in the process running over a small boy.

It is the British who discovered that an Indian is an excellent performer if you keep a bayonet behind his back and keep on pricking him with it once in a while to make it known to him that the iron blade is very much  behind him.  Punishment was  very stringent  during the British rule.

We relaxed these measures completely the day we got our Independence. As days went by it was the politicians’ ambition to remain in power till death and  therefore began to placate the voters who voted for him.  How on Earth could you punish a fellow who catapults you to the position of    power? As regard the big fish, the politician had a vested interest and allowed them to mint money left right and centre legal or illegal.

What we have to do to stem the rot is to lay down a time frame to finalise all kinds of cases.  I see no reason why a murder case or a death in road accident cannot be investigated within 48 hours and the culprit dealt with within a week. Let the court punish the guilty with the maximum punishment.  We should not hesitate to award death punishment.  The slogan that  “only the rarest of the rare cases should go to the gallows”, to my mind is a silly stand. “Life for life” must be our approach. .

Some years ago one of the governors in China was caught taking  a bribe.  He was hanged.

Let’s also hang the first few corrupt persons and inefficient workers and you can   rest assured that corruption and inefficiency  would be on their  way out.

Adam and Eve of 21st century

The other day I had made an astounding discovery.  Our  Indian judicial system and the way it is practised is easily the worst in the whole universe assuming courts do exist in some planet in some Universe.

Even now our courts shout from roof tops, “Justice delayed is justice denied.”  It has become a jolly good slogan but nobody does anything about speeding up justice  except repeating it. So, the cases continue to pile up.

It has taken our courts 9 years to find  and punish the guilty in the Ghodra rail burning case. However, compared to many other cases,  this is a pretty good going.

Remember the famous verdict of King Solomon some 3000 years back?  The King had  taken less then five minutes to identify the real mother out of the two who had claimed one baby.

Supposing the same case had come in our modern Indian court.  What would be the Defence plea?  “My Lord, this child doesn’t belong to either of the two women. It was collected from the dust bin.” And he would produce three witnesses to assert that the baby was indeed picked up from the road side. I wonder how Solomon would have solved the issue. But the Indian judge would have asked the prosecution to get the figure  of all abandoned babies lodged in all the orphanages in the previous six months. The case would have been adjourned by two years to enable  the prosecution  collect all the data.

After a series of inevitable  adjournments, the baby would have grown to be a girl of six.  And one fine morning, both the claimants would have rejected the girl baby.  “No Lord, I don’t want the baby.  Please give it to her.”  And the other too would have given the same argument.  Until then they hadn’t realized the gravity of  bringing up a girl child. It’s a big problem in India, friend.  How to arrange for  dowry and jewellery and all that. ”No, no baba.  I don’t want a girl child.”  The confused judge would have sent  the girl to another orphanage.

Shall we consider another hypothetical case? God had decided to start a  new generation  of human beings having written off the earlier one as good for nothing.  He followed the same method, of producing Adam from the dust and Eve from one of Adam’s bones.  He had given  them the same command   not to eat the fruit of the tree in the centre of garden of Eden but  enjoy life eating all the other fruits in Eden..

When God knew that the human couple had disobeyed  His command and repeated the same crime,  He sent His archangel Gabriel to investigate the case and report to Him back within two hours.

The first Adam and Eve had  admitted their crime. That’s something great, isn’t it? But the 21st century  Eve didn’t. “Archangel Sir,” she started her defence statement. “It happened like this. I was just holding the apple in my hand;  Satan came, bit a piece and put it in my mouth. Mr. Satan did the same thing with Adam also.” Then both of them cried out in unison, “We didn’t eat the fruit by our own choice, Sir.”

The Archangel   knew that both were telling lies.  But then He had to go by the “evidence” presented in the court. Turning to Satan, Gabriel asked why he did such a thing. “No, no Mr. Archangel,” Satan drawled. “The truth is: Eve was holding the apple from the forbidden tree  thinking, ‘To eat or Not to eat. To eat or not to eat…’ and she kept repeating this refrain the whole day, Sir. I got a little tired of listening and waiting and told Eve firmly. ‘Look here my girl. Why don’t you make up your mind?.  If you don’t like this apple, why don’t you throw it away?  That’s the time Sir, a crow appeared, cut a small piece with his beaks and thrust it in Eve’s mouth. And she thinks that I  had put the piece in her mouth.”

Nearly two hours had elapsed  in the above proceedings. The Archangel was completely baffled.  He suddenly remembered that he had another engagement in Heaven.  So, he quickly adjourned the   case without specifying the date of next hearing and passed on the issue to the Creator God a for necessary advice.

“What happened then?” you ask? Well, friend, you have to direct your question to the Court registrar. On insistence, the registrar said, “There are  35 million pending cases in various courts in India now.  It will take them  at least 239 years to clear them  off at the present speed  of clearing.  The Adam and Eve case will be taken up  only after that.