clothing morality

Recently being on the receiving end of a lecture in dress codes, I realized the stupidity of codes in our morally starched society. Yes there are codes or rules for everything, how to talk, how to walk, how to live…they are there for the smooth functioning of our society. But why is it that for ladies, their dress become a part of their respectability? Why is that, a street vendor is not expected to be conscious of her dress and an office clerk is supposed to be ? I’m not speaking about neatness, but about the very idea attached with blue collared jobs and associated morality codes.

Maybe it is the limited availability of options for men as far as wardrobe is concerned or maybe the society has always pinned down women into her body and dress is an another means to do that. We do have dress codes according to the situation, but anywhere one will be able to recognize the special focus that is put on a woman’s dressing. No matter how much educated she is or how capable she is, in an office,  she has to adhere with the ‘respectability codes’ of the society.

For women there is a finely etched dress codes for every profession. If we are to imagine  a woman as a teacher and then as a street vendor, the amount of detailing decreases in the latter. Why is that? For all we think, we will even imagine her as being unconscious about her body, where as the same woman as a teacher will be fully covered. Recently in a conversation with my friend, she confessed that being a teacher is not the same everyday. So much is depended on the dress she wears. If she is in a Saree then all’s well. If in a salwar, there is a noticeable change in the reaction she receives. This conversation is what set my thoughts into motion. Well for all the stiff necked preaching on values and morality, a woman’s value most of the time boils down to superficiality. It is frightening for a woman. Think about it.

darkness…to…light?

Like a giant wheel

bisecting my vision

he arose to let all else

fade

i stood awed

half of me in the dark

and the other half,bright

i stood awed at what life has

brought

my very own sun, my “illuminant”!!

I could ‘see’ and yet only with one eye

the rest perched in black

swung looming ahead, unknown

dark

sinister omni potent!

I was happy, glad and bright

who wouldn’t be to be so ever

in light

but why is that i loved my darkness

and both my eyes, closed often !!

INCEPTION

INCEPTION, the latest Christopher Nolan’s science fiction starring Leonardo DI Caprio,  is everything the movie is acclaimed for! Complex, dreamy, thrilling, awesome action sequences and a mini magnum opus. Nolan took almost 8 years to finish the script and its not a wonder at all considering the simplicity as well as the complexity of the idea that he is about to put forth. Dreams are a daily part of our lives, a mirror into our subconscious; and a far under-rated window into ourselves. We seldom can imagine the amount of information that one’s dreams have, and that is exactly what forms the basis of Nolan’s movies. Dreams encompass the whole life of an individual especially his/her secrets. The subconscious contains not only the emotional,but also those valid  information that makes it worthwhile for the dream-stealers.

Nolan began from an idea of people sharing dreams, where in one of them projects his subconscious and allows entry into it for others.This is the crime scene, a virtual world, wherein ideas are stolen or even planted as is called inception.

The movie demands one to watch it again and again, as it itself becomes a code or a mysterious dream. Cracking it leaves you wondering about how marvelous it is and the immense possibilities of the idea, or as it is said in the movie, it leaves you possessed by an idea.

I needn’t comment on the acting as Nolan has chosen stalwarts for most of the roles,but I can’t help putting in a word for Caprio, who has grown as an actor right from TITANIC, though he was around even before that. He has matured beautifully, physically 🙂 as well as histrionically.

The movie ought to be watched for its novelty, and its technological possibilities  since there are scenes which I’m sure would leave one open-mouthed. In one word,it is simply AWESOME!

I came back :)

I had wandered off

into a dream…

all smiling,walking on crunchy

sands

I hoped to discover bliss

I had wandered off from my letters

and found myself in labyrinths

of strange scripts

I looked into my eyes

and I surrounded me everywhere

strange mirrors smiling back

I lost myself somewhere

and yet, I held my hand

I walked back into you

and you stood there all the while

for me wake up and come back

to you….

life…???

life smells of chocolate syrups

run down my lips, patchy networks

of fun…

life stinks of a rotten egg, boiling

inside for ages at a time

life flies away like the smoke from

the incense,

life is all and yet nothing..

of faded footprints

and creases of vanished smiles

around thy lips

life is smudges of tears, on a

pillow stacked away in the closet

life is all, and yet nothing

life is the color of sky in the sunset

life is dark and bright at all times

life is what i see in your eyes

when you look the other way

life is crunchy popcorn, buttered

away…

life is all & yet noting

life is you & me dying

Astrological orthopedic shock therapy !!!!

In my horoscope, as my friend’s astrologist father once said, there are hints about my bone system being weak.I should have pumped in a lot of calcium, now if milk in the tea accounts for calcium intake then I’m not being wholly irresponsible. It all began with a single laugh.Yes,once I was with my friends and upon laughing at a slapstick comedy I realized something was wrong with my jaw. Momentous freezing of jawline,went unnoticed for some time. Then it hit me, I’m gonna end up with a laughing/smirking expression forever if I’m not gonna loosen my jaw.Upon a friend’s suggestion I went to consult an orthopedic,who also happens to be the cutest doctor in town.

Doc ( as I’ll refer him) took my X-rays and told me at the end with the universal sympathetic expression of all doctors (from Bollywood to Hollywood)upon giving their fine verdict based on their medical wisdom, sighed about my ‘stuck’ jaw bone. He advised surgery where giant metal caps will be fixed around my head like a helmet that would prevent my jaw from dropping. If not nothing, it was his verdict that made my jaw drop. That’s when I realized a person can go invisible at will ! I disappeared from the face of medical existence. My jaw became ok after a while..as if a shock therapy of myself lying jaw-dropped inside metal helmets faced down by cute doctors was all it took (it sounded more pathetic than lying open mouthed in front of a cute dentist..although the humiliation scale weighs the same for both!)

Then months later,a freak accident took me back to the Doc. An overnight train journey had left me drained and my sleep-deprived mind wailed like the infant in my near berth. Upon reaching the destination,I clambered down from my upper berth.What happened is still vague, but all I can remember is sitting at the side berth, searching for my upper middle toe of my left leg, frantically! It actually went inside my finger..thats the best I could explain. Mustering all my courage, I pulled at it and there I had my toe back. Hence I went back,a few days later with a swollen-barely-able-to-walk toe. Doc looked at me and complained about me taking care of it myself, creaming his complaint with an icing on my bravery. Anywayz I was back in the X-ray room and this time, he said I had a growth in my left foot and that I would need surgery. I disappeared again to never go back. I’m sure if he could issue a wanted list, I’ll have the honor to be in it. But then, I trusted my body enough to heal itself. Although, my friends say, shock treatment is my best cure for anything. As far as cheating Doc is concerned, I’m sure he will give me plenty of shocks again..if my horoscope is to be believed.

escape

I could see them all

without their smiles

I would smile for them

that leering crack on my lips

I would hover above

but they won’t see

they would cry

and I would be

alone, above..happy

Its all over for me

so you see

I can take a back seat

and let them be..

in chaos, in remorse

without me.

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON

I have always loved animation films ..aka. .cartoons. But somethings are just not as good as the old ones.Tom & Jerry for instance, the newly advanced versions lack the endearing quality of the older version. Hence technology can be helping in many ways, but in some exceptions they just don’t help.

We do have many celluloids on dragons. They have always been  mysterious dark creatures, often inhabiting on the evil side. Then came THE DRAGON HEART,which gave them a dignity previously lacking. Recently I saw the animation movie, HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON. What struck me first was the marvelous quality of expressions, that were actually various and had been rendered superbly. The movie is quiet commendable and one needn’t think about the technology that worked behind since we have had movies like AVATAR.

The story is endearing,that of the friendship between a rare species of dragon called the Night Fury and a viking boy called Hiccupps. The boy calls the dragon Duflex and yes, it becomes a pet rather than a ferocious dragon. The dragon’s character is sketched with tinges of dogs and cats,so as to make it funny and lovable. But at the same time, it possesses mysterious bravery, dignity and strength, qualities that only dragons have. But refreshingly, there is no master-pet politics coming in. It is simply a friendship between two beings who have their own shortcomings .

my last lie

I  could lie

in the face of my love

in those moments of passion

i could lie of my commitments

I could lie & make him believe

its all for him..that he is the one

I could lie and make him believe

that I’m his dream come true

as he often said,

I could lie about us and life

I could lie about lots in my mind

or leave a few things in silence

after all, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt

but then I realized, its still about him

all those lies and silences

to keep him unhurt, to save him from

aches. My truth I alone dwelled in.

That’s when all the lies stopped

and my last one merely told him,

that I never loved him as much as I always

said, or perhaps not as much as he believed.

But is that a lie or is it the truth?

I rattled my mind and yet I knew not

I did love him but how much?

That’s when he hugged me with a smile

and asked me to just love

and I thought of all my lies where

I  measured my love in words!

closure

He just walked away

no goodbyes or words

to tell me this is where

its gonna end,

nothing……just left me

in the cacophony of my own breath

following him, at his footsteps

beckoning to say

beckoning to end

for a closure, rightly deserved

the lack of one, would leave

me no where, but on that path

where he did leave, without a word

or a sigh..i would stay still

till he would come

to say all that he didn’t

and thus free me from the moment

frozen inside, holding me within

from then life will move on

but till he comes, i’m here

all alone…waiting for just a goodbye

he could have said long ago!

butterfly in the rain

I walked

out into the pour

so that my tears I didn’t know

amongst the droplets that

washed my face.

I sobbed out of ache

but the rain muted my cries

passer bys hurried past

like life and I remained.

That’s when I saw, a butterfly

in the rain.

Flapping its wings in vain

yet the droplets never could weigh

it down and it flew against all odds.

Brown was its wings,

flipping open atop wet flowers

not resting though anywhere

but flying high as much as it can.

I wondered why would it go through

such pain? When the droplets could tear

apart its wings, yet it flew in mighty gait.

beating out all odds.

that’s when it struck

whats a few tears or aches

when butterflies could fly in the rain

and be happy to fly more in the pour!

Tall, Dark and Handsome…still yummy??

I love John Abraham, he is an absolute hunk. But getting to see him talking about how he takes care of his skin ,i.e make/keep it fair,left me a bit perplexed…whatever happened to the Tall Dark Handsome men !! Being an avid reader of romances like Mills & Boons,and being one who looks upon GONE WITH THE WIND  as the bible of romance, its difficult to accept this strange male obsession with fair skin. Those heroes in the romances,especially in the books of 80s & 90s and GWTW, which came way before M&B s,all the heroes , even when they belong to the Caucasian whites, are portrayed as having a dark demeanor. Rhett Butler in GWTW is dark compared to his woman.

Back then, darkness was synonymous to masculinity. A virile, masculine male inadvertently had a swarthy or something mysterious about him that both excites and frightens the maidens. He is like that lone dark horse which gallops in the open fields, almost impossible to tame and too hard to possess  but too exciting to let go.

Times before 80’s & 90’s, saw dark men completely taken into cruelty as portrayed in literature. The famous Shylock of Shakespeare is dark complexioned, something that indicates his evil nature. The blacks were often portrayed as potential rapists and men fuming with violence, all because of their skin color. But this portrayal also suggests the insecurity that a white man faced when compared himself to a black. The blacks look more virile & masculine compared to a Caucasian white and hence a white dominated world, portrayed blacks hence.

But coming down time,the potential of the evil/darkness to excite and attract was better understood. Hence heroes like Rhett Butler, Heathcliff… came into being. All dark and possibly unconquerable, but in reality they are waiting for their right woman to redeem them. Now that makes it all the more exciting, as Beatles say ” All you need is love ” !

I stick to the paradigm of darkness and virility which also accentuates the femininity and fragility of the woman. And this shift in concepts all boils down to market and our God-given dusky skins. So with all the women chasing fair skin, it leaves only the men. Now ,why should they be spared from the rat-race!

Would You ?

She lay there

for the world to see

she lay there

for all of us to be.

Torn like her clothes

she lay there in a shredded

world

we walked past her

you & me

Hand in hand,smiling

and not seeing,

I pretended, so did you

she lay there

for none of us to see.

Her navel peeped out

into the world

and her womb sucked in

all the stoicism

and her child within grew

by the day

and at night,when strange hands

shredded her again & again

her womb fought back, to survive.

One day, my eyes met hers

and I looked away

lest she robbed my soul

too late was I,

my soul was lost like her’s

searching for a shred of humanity

somewhere alive in this world

she could be me, or you

violated in cozy public places

she could be us or them

all at the brink.

tomorrow, I’ll await

instead of her, with my sunken womb

holding nil, not even life

would you give me a second glance?

would you care? or walk away?

like me to find you in my place

when the world conveniently

looks the other way!

Memory of a leaf

Silly breezes, caressing my nape

like tiny ripples of love

sensations churning inside me

and I’m floating like a leaf

happily fallen from the rut

called tree…and I float

forlornly…caressed by the four

winds, taking me somewhere

where I’m meant to be. Down

the falls, whirlpools & ripples

I see the deepest valleys

the strangest of lives

I see sullen fishermen

hopeless dangling worms,

Pelicans at raid, fishes in myraids

I see maidens at dark, wet feet

and minds at call for celestial demons

I see how waves are made,

I see how the moon silvers from

plainness, I see where the sun dips

I see boats and stories ,emerging

to sink in the waves.

I float, seeing all, feeling all

wet & decaying and happy on my way

to some unforeseen bottom

where I would rest forever, in remembrance

of all that had touched me.

And I would smile in death

when the same wind shreds me to bits

or the ripples choke me to death

or the stagnancy rotting me in parts,

I would feel it all, I would take it all

& keep it safe, inside my memory

memory of a leaf!

Breathless/sleepless rides

Sleepless and drenched

homecomings, none welcoming

mushy train rides

hidden passions

cozy warmth of air conditioned

compartments

whence his hand met mine

I revolved in time

with the train swishing past all

that held us apart

we held each other

and the train took us to be somewhere

where hands that hold never has to part.

Stops became milestones

and each one signifying nothing

like breaths mingling & dissolving

we dissolved to never be picked apart

but the end is inevitable

if the world finds out, the end

will be tragic. Yet momentary madness

of silly coy excuses of love transcended us

if the world finds out, so be it

it would crack & I would sink

but the warmth of those forlorn

moments might keep me up

for if he would give me a hand

I will take it, for never to be left behind ..

A lesson in smile

Someone asked me to smile

just a twitch of lips he said

I twitched &turned, but he didn’t call

it a smile. I blinked and wondered

have I forgotten how to smile!

I saw them around, every lips twitched

none frowned, simply creased in happiness

& here was I wondering how to smile.

He smiled for me to see, he tickled me

and I frowned !

Just when he was about to give up

I got a glimpse of  his despair,

I smiled, twitching as he had taught

and in return, I got a happy laughter

now why did I smile? If I had to laugh?

I could cry, but I did smile

for someone, who needed my smile

such desperately. But then he got greedy,

he wanted my laughter

Something so very forgotten, and yet

just a few more muscles he said

take it to smile & then set yourself free

that’s how you laugh,

I watched him in awe, I asked God

for many more…smiles and laughter

and so much more.And I got my share of

joy, in a bundle of smiles and laughter

who taught me in love,the

first  step of life…namely how to smile!

The End

Frothy tea

hissing at my lips

as I quiver to some stranger’s

humane looks

I would do it again

jumping off the cliff

when eyes are turned elsewhere

I would fly down to somewhere

below a 1000 feet,where none

had ventured, I would throw

myself to rot quietly

in strange solemnity.

Its hard to answer the whys,

I see peeping in their eyes

like questions forbidden

like areas restricted.

I see no whys, but only

why nots

for what I would be alive?

all the reasons seem lost.

REVENGE

like the sparkle
of that millionth bit of glass
that shredded when you stoned
the glass house of my life
i died in that cataclysmic rupture
but my life lives on,walking the earth
like zombies, entering your dreams
on sleepless nights, when parched throats
are quenched with silly droplets of soothing
sorry s.
The creases on the bed,the night a mere furlong
of love. coupling bodies, but disjointed minds,
for your’s got slitted by my glass
& lay mutilated beneath my broken domes
you were in a hurry, and I fell looking at it
with a smile of relief
the revenge is gona be easy
the revenge is almost half-done!

butter-papered dreams

Butter paper dreams

Sunny walkways

Smiles at random

Hands that hold

Chocolates melting on Pavements

Kids running on bubbled Courtyards,

Rainbows coming down to My door step

Kitchen plants blinking In sunlight

Puppies scrambling

, as we hUg In love,

day & night

My butter-paper dreams

Sure & yet is it there?

Darkness

Lost

in the wilderness of my dreams

beasts lurking in darkness

serpents crawling giants

I wander, alone

lost in the nightmares of

my dreams. Foot in in front

of foot, I walked to nowhere

from no one.

No moon shone, no stars

blinked…………if darkness had life

you can find it in my dreams,

inside my ears, faint echoes

booming in & out, of

strange creatures, that the

darkness hides.

I’m afraid of sleep, the balm of

nature to tortured souls. I’m

in pain, but nature seems to have

failed. Closing eyes, is shutting myself

inside a prison, full of darkness &

demons…

Lost am’ I, to my darkness…..