The incompleteness is now complete

You had instilled such joy, I had felt complete

Not a care in the world no burden unwieldy

A song in my heart, tapping were my feet

 

There was a time when time stood still

Every moment when I gazed at your face

All my dreams, I hoped you would fulfill

 

Yet a fear, a doubt had been lurking around

Will I one day, from my slumber awake

Find reality hurting and the pain profound

 

We never could really travel together

Fate or what else that stood the barrier

Pondering, makes the predicament only harsher

 

We lived the years as there were to live

But something was amiss something unconsummated

More often than not, the mood would turn pensive

 

Heard of your demise today, my heart went offbeat

That potential and those possibilities that could have been

My feeling of incompleteness is now complete.

Sparrow on my window

It was a sparrow

Yes, a little sparrow

All set to keep me on my toes

When the world slept in dark and peace

It would nibble, nick and flutter on the AC sil

It would shake me off my warm sleep

At the dead of the night

The starry nights are not so pleasant

When you are clumsy, have deadlines to catch

The sparrow all set to plot against me

It stroked the tin sil as if there is no tomorrow

As if he met his long lost lover after a war

Everyday, all through the winter month, all night

I would wake up at midnight and come out

To fly off the little plotting creature, with a dead twig

So that I can sleep in peace

And can reach in time prim and proper

And then one day

I woke up to silence

No picking, no flutters, no signs of existence

I opened the window and sneaked out

But no sparrow, no life, no plots against me

All night I tossed on bed thinking of the little bird

A lost little bird that strayed to bad weather, fog and cold

To some distant world, far off, far away.

Of family, love, life and tea drinking legacy

I woke up to a beautiful day, unlike the past couple of days when the sun did not wake up at all and the rains were having a ball. Not really a rain girl, I would rather laze in my warm settee than to enjoy the rhetoric of the rains.

It was early in the morning and the sun was already looking so beautiful. Series of memories visited me and made me unusually nostalgic. I handled my white and gold rim ceramic cup just filled with semi fuming Darjeeling tea with little milk and sugar. I like it with milk, I always have. Over the years, my taste for tea has changed, grown and have substantiated me. I have been a tea drinker ever since my late teens. My grandma, an addict and a beautiful heart, was the first to rise and make her and the family the first cup of tea. She only used to get going after her first cup. I, essentially being her flower child, used to love the little sips that would made me feel like her, more than anything else. Tea got me to its clings, literally, much later. I would love the masala chai loaded with sugar and milk. That was a phase which had its lovely moments. As I grew up, I found tea more enigmatic. The flavors are variant, distinctive and appealing.

Grandma left the legacy of tea drinking to me. In my family, now, it’s only my father and I, who relish the idea of morning and evening teas, teas for different occasions and weathers. We love everything that is good tea and how it is served. I believe in that the flavor changes or enhances with the right kind of serving containers. So, I stress on the right kind of cups for a different kinds of teas. My mother hardly drinks tea but has specializes on the art of making it on my insistence. I am picky when it comes to tea. My sisters and their family are occasional tea drinkers – something I appreciate. But when they are visiting us, I manage to tempt them to some relishing cups of tea. The idea of having it all together is really alluring and great fun. We serve it with lots of cookies, Indian snacks, love and gossips.

Things have changed over the years, we have metamorphosed, father has gone more bald, I have had my first grey hair sneaking out every now and then and grandma is no more. But our love for good tea is one good constant factor that has still gotten us all together to the morning tea table over a beautiful tea drinking ritual.

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who really are you

You find more happiness in my pains

Than in your own happiness

You await my sad moment to be happy

You highs do not seem to amuse you anymore

You find solace in my humiliation

You stalk me instead of contemplating your life

You smile when I cry

You hate it when I laugh

Who really are you

Who are you?

 

Woman anywhere…

I could have sworn

that a tear had run down

I knew she was strong

but how long could she

hold on?

A mother of two

a boy & a girl

a wife so devoted

a woman who cared.

Now,she remains all

alone

her womb is empty

so is her heart & soul.

For is there any life left

for a widow or a mother

who loses her kids

to death?

But she is strong,

she held on…

ME – FOR NOW

This swinging, this restlessness every now and then

The days go by and life is leaving me behind again

Moments subtract as I slowly enter the tunnel of chaos

Wrangling my being and drowning me in the darkness of pathos

Leaving me with a mind devoid of inspiration and drive

The cosmic forces against me seemingly connive

Reasons, or are they pretexts, pull me in every direction

Which way do I need to go; priorities are all up for auction

Here I am free and yet bound in my heart

Can I ever, the maps in my mind rechart

Is this world, for me specially paved ?

Or am I here, for this world to be reframed?

Is it a cause or is there a reason that I am here

Am I to just let go, or every moment should I endear

Just for now, this moment, I know is swinging me about

Tomorrow will be another day I know without a doubt

I will live my life as there is to live

Myself and my insecurities I shall soon forgive

 

 

 

 

 

 

First poem at first sight

Hey Ms, I saw you a day before
Which I cannot forget you forever

I am damn sure it was an evening
Please don’t relate it to logical reasoning

All of a sudden our eyes met instantly
Where I grabbed your attention constantly

My heart beat swung like an oscillator
Increasing zillion times a binary counter

You were expecting me to tell it ASAP
But this idiot toggled like a flip-flop

Finally I barked the 3 magical words
While you scrutinized the whole avenues

I may not be a Mr. Perfect
Though I am as active as a MOSFET

My hopes were like a weak transistor
You pulled me up by adding a resistor

Hope you remember the promises we made
Which resembles to an amplifier in cascade

Copyright of heart

What all I need,
Is just a copyright
Of your heart. 

To paint the sketch,
Of my dreams.
To listen, to the waves
When u breathe.

To sing the praises,
Using all the verses.
To step on my foot,
for your heart’s, beat.

To hold it with pride,
To show how rich I am.
A place of mine,
To stay ever and ever.

What all I need,
Is just a copyright
Of your heart.

This unending pain- A Poem

“This unending pain,

Is taking my breath away,

I loved all,

I swear.


My silence is echoing in my heart,

This pain will forever last.


They have put a full stop on my feelings,

I am now left with day dreaming.


I am not what I used to be,

And this blame is also put on me.


This fatigue is taking my life away,

I am still worried for him,

Without me,

He will not be able to stay.


My efforts are a time waste,

And my life has lost its taste.


This unending pain,

Is taking my breath away,

I loved all,

I swear.”


who died?

He just died

I knew it from the winds

they were harsh and my flowers

flew into dust

I knew it from the trees

who refused to let me in to

their shade

For I had a fight

and he had walked out

I could have apologized

but my darker self stood tight

I had no tears

I stood still,watching him dying somewhere

I couldn’t hold his hand

neither ,could sing a sorry

to his retreating ears

I just died, and he just left…

smile

I closed my eyes

pinched my lips

held my breath

let the world go by

I wouldn’t cry

I wouldn’t fail

myself  for them to play

I watched the sky

and saw clouds form a smile

I got the meaning

the world never goes by

It never stops too

What is time?

What is time?

Time comes, time goes

Time flows, time flies

What is time?

Where does it come from?

Where does it go?

Where does it live?

What’s its destination?

Or is it that WE shift, WE move

And time stays in its place, fixed, static

Like the illusive moving tree glimpsed from a mobile train

What is time?

Time is a perception

Time is fast or slow, time is how WE move

Time is deception, time is illusion

Time is but us.

She still smiles at the sun

The little girl smiles at the sun

While the frail cows graze in the languid hours

She has a small hut to live

A mother, a brother and lot of poverty

The hut has everything on its thatched roof

Weighing it down to the earth

The two cows are half fed but happy

She has enough humiliation, enough hurdles

That keep her busy all day long

She wakes up early in the morn

Takes the cows for grazing before anyone else does

Gets the greenest pasture for the cows

She, then, comes back and rushes for the market to sell the cream milk

Runs down the valley to feed her mother, who can barely move

Packs stale puffed rice,  makes sure that her brother reaches school

Cooks, washes, cleans herself in the drying river

When the sun is just about to sleep

She has the world to finish before the sunrise

She has four mouths to feed, and hers

Life has poked her but she has come out of it every time

She has all the poverty but she is happy

She still smiles at the sun.

Revitalization

Ails me your upset smile;
Ur blind love with added spice;
& decadent mirth
Expressed in, void eyes…

& I want to, rescue those,
Hollow nerves that are penning queries;
And ‘poignant ping’
Inducing, memories

Trust me if u would,
God’d planned, with utmost care,
For u, a painless cure…
Someday you’ll know, this I am sure.

It was justice or injustice
Do not think, what it was.
“Why” “Why” start to cry
And to know this “why” research you try
Till you know the reason—why..?
Continue to research devoid of tear supply

Life is what, why life u got;
Why not for u..?, u wish for what;
If not that, what is for you?
Try to know, what life expects from you.

And when you know about the destined coast;
Life will become savoury like roasted toast;
Then raise a toast, for the awesome voyage;
Which thereafter u will pursue till you age

Growing up years…

So curious to take one glimpse of that flying airplane,

Not even bothering if it causes any neck strain.

Playing in the basking heat till forehead sweats,

So what if in this bargain even sun sets?

Riding on bicycles all day long,

Pals who join in, taking them along.

Climbing up mango tree like a feat of a monkey,

Nicknamed in the neighborhood as notorious and naughty!

Awaiting for a chance to play some prank,

Never coming home without a good rank.

Taking each new learning experience as a stint,

Always approaching a game with killer instinct.

Bubbling with endless enthusiasm and energy,

Accomplishing group tasks with a synergy.

Unknown of a word in one’s self dictionary—Shy,

Ever overboard with questions—how, where, why?

Getting into petty squabbles in one moment,

Instantly patching up with friends the next moment.

Actively taking part in scout and camp,

Flushing with pride when called as a champ.

Always ready to crack some silly joke,

Hardly any game was played without the arm that broke.

Every little incident was as if meant to share,

Just one punch line defined us—We Dare

Secrets to be talked about in murmurs n whispers,

And although in class we were back benchers; Yet considered fast learners.

This was all we did as bouncing youngsters,

Each day we thus cherish our growing up years…

Waiting….

With pain in heart
And tears in eyes
My screaming soul
Is waiting for you….
Waiting to see
Love in your eyes
For me…
Waiting for chance
To be able to say
You mean the world
To me….
Waiting to see
trust in your eyes
for me…
Waiting for clouds
to shower on us
The rain of emotions
Flooding us….
Waiting for you….
Waiting to see
Tears of love
Showering trust,
In your eyes
For me…

No Strings Attached!

“I really repent our breakup. I don’t know why did I leave you there and came to the US? I could have married you and brought you here with me,” Avik paused after saying this. Ria promptly replied, “Now what’s the use saying all this? It a past story,” Ria sighed and asked Avik, “How is your daughter and wife?” Avik changed the topic and said it was so great when we both were together. Ria replied, “Avik I need to get ready and go to my MBA class. I am logging off. Catch you later!”

It was almost after 7 years since Avik and Ria met again through Facebook. 7 years back they met, when Ria went for a vacation with her parents to Vizag and there she met Avik. It was on the sea beach where they bumped into each other and after a mutual apology and a small introduction, they both knew they were from the same city, Bangalore and was there on a vacation. Avik was pursuing his masters in economics and Ria was much younger to him, was in the twelfth grade. After that everyday Ria with her parents and Avik with his friends went to the beach almost at the same time, so they met, chatted and the day before Ria was leaving Vizag, Avik asked for her contact number and promised to be in touch.

Ria was back home and was busy with her studies and tuition. After almost a month since her vacation, one day there was a call for her. Ria received the call as both of her parents were working, she would always be alone at home during the day. A guy spoke from the other end, “Can I speak to Ria?” Ria said that she was speaking then the guy asked, “Do you remember me?” Ria was little confused but somewhere she always thought Avik will call someday. She had a  doubt but still she made a wild guess and said, “Is it Avik?” Avik was very surprised seeing that Ria recognised him. They chatted for an hour Ria hanged up but soon it became a routine and everyday they chatted for hours during the noon as it was convenient for Ria, she would be alone in the house. Meanwhile Avik completed his masters and was planning to pursue his PHD in the US. He started applying online in different universities in the US. Meanwhile Ria and Avik became very close and started dating each other.  Ria said about Avik to her friends and sometimes she would even call Avik from their cell phones. But after sometime Ria soon noticed Avik started avoiding her, she thought since it was her class 12, he was giving her time to study. Ria finished her exam but Avik was still behaving in the same way and his calls also decreased. Avik was Ria’s first love so she dint want to lose him. She tried every possible way to know why his behaviour had changed within few days time but all attempt was in vain.

One day during noon when Ria was having her lunch there was a call; she ran to receive the call thinking it must be Avik. She took up the receiver and said, “Hey Avik, I knew you would call me today..,” there was a long pause on the other end of the receiver. Finally a guy spoke, but it was not Avik’s voice. He said, “This is Avik’s friend. He had asked me to inform you that he has left for US and left a letter with me for you. When can I come and give you the letter?” Ria was dumbstruck after hearing that Avik left for the US but dint even bother to inform her. She said, “Come anytime but be quick. Let me see what he wants me to know”

The letter was in Ria’s hand after 2 more days. She read the same letter for more than 6 times and sat depressed with the letter in her hand and started to think how did all this happen? In the letter it was written,

“Ria I liked you from the very first day we bumped into each other in the sea beach. Soon with time we came close and our friendship turned into an affair. I trusted you and had a great respect for you. But one evening their was a call from your friend, basically she was my well wisher and told me about your multiple affairs which ran in parallel with our affair. She also mentioned that you are basically a flirt and play with every boys emotion. I guess I am lucky that she informed me before hand. I was very hurt Ria. But now my focus is on my PHD, so I’m better now. I thought that I must inform you why I am behaving like this and leaving for US all of a sudden.”

Ria suddenly remembered she used to call Avik from Sonam’s cell, so she is the only person who had Avik’s number. So she was the one who called Avik. She always was behind Ria, envied her good background, her looks and also her academic result. Ria couldn’t stop her tears. She cried and cried. Avik was her first love and losing him just for a misunderstanding was a very big blow for her. She was very angry with Sonam and thought soon she will meet her and teach her good lesson. Ria started to stay depressed and everyday she cried and cried. Days passed, month passed she took admission in an engineering college. Later she thought what’s the use teaching Sonam a lesson, Avik didn’t even verify all this with her, he just believed Sonam and ditched her.

Now they met again in Facebook, Avik is married with a kid and Ria is studying MBA, and soon she will join the IT hub. Avik would very frequently say her that it was his mistake, he would have at least asked her once. Then life would have been different now. But it’s a different story at Ria’s end. Its already been 7 years, and Ria is much matured now. Its true, time is the best healer, Ria is totally out of it; no strings are attached.

One day again Avik was online, she said Avik directly, “Avik now I chat with you only as a friend. There is nothing else in my mind. I have moved on – no more strings are attached to you. Since you still have a feeling for me, I guess we must stop chatting and be happy in our own world.” Ria didn’t even wait for an answer, she went to the friend list in her Facebook account and removed Avik from her friend list.

I wish life was what we want to make of it!

Life is what we make out of it

Always had been, always will be

I would love to have the reins in my hands

I would love to have it take the course

That brings joy to everyone

Making everyone merrier and beautiful

I wish I could

.

Life is not always what we want to make out of it

In spite of all that matters

In spite of all that we invest

Physical investment – we can still let go

Emotional investment hard to

I wish life was what we really want to make of it

I wish it was!

Meet a home breaker called, COFFEE

Any marriage is God ordained. If God had not willed it, you and your dear wife wouldn’t have come together ever. In  a Christian wedding service, the pastor, after pronouncing them husband and wife also will make a  statement right in the church “What God had joined,  let no  man try to separate them.”

Therefore if you find that some naughty guy is trying to create discord between them or a kind  of suspicious atmosphere to make them shout at each other,  we must hammer that  fellow mercilessly. Don’t you agree? Such a  home wrecker should be banished from the society and the land itself. Or, we should make him stand at the sea shore when there is a news of an impending  tsunami  so that he gets washed away and driven to the centre of the ocean.

But what do you do when the wrecker is not a human being but a ‘thing’, called coffee?  Yes, coffee seems to have  become a home breaker !

After considerable research, the scientists have discovered  that if women drink cups and cups of coffee, their brain gets highly stimulated and would function with the greatest efficiency even  during stressful situations. Actually, they would find themselves on top of Mount Everest.

But if the husband gulps as many cups, he will become dull and stupid  and behave as if he were a  vegetable. He is also likely to take wrong decisions.

Is this fair on the part of coffee – working in opposite direction in the same house and between two souls united by God Himself?

But then there is a plus point.. If  a wife  wants her hubby to cancel the Golfing session that afternoon, all she has to do is to give him  two cups of decaffeinated coffee and presto he would immediately toss off his golf bag in a corner and yodel.

But as regards the wife,  she will not only act like a super woman but  also her risk of stroke will stand reduced by  25 – 30 percent.   The scientists, may God bless them liberally,  have further revealed  that  coffee may  help ward off diabetes, liver cancer  and scores of other  dangerous health hazards, in women.

Although the scientists have not said so specifically, we  may deduce that men will get heart stroke, diabetes and all other diseases  if they drink as many cups   as the wives.

Don’t you see a kind of formula  herein that if you want to commit suicide and leave your wife as a widow, don’t go to the beach or collect a piece of rope and head for the fan  to hang yourself  but  just walk into your kitchen and drink volumes of   coffee brother,  cup after cup and you will take off to the next world within a day !!.

A wag tells me.  “All this is all right. Have you checked up the coffee price in the market? It’s very high, brother.  Your budget may not  allow you more than one cup  per day.  So, we are safe as long  as the food inflation remains high,  I mean both the husband and wife.  They will never get to drink so many cups.  Never.

Emotion, Obsession and the Unreal world

Jiya was happily married to Avik and it was Avik’s occupation in Bangalore, which kept them far away from their hometown. It was almost three years they were in the IT hub of India and Jiya soon adjusted with the pace of the city and it’s inhabitants. Avik had rented a flat off the old airport road, near his office. Everything was running smoothly until Shiv came into Jiya’s life.

Shiv, a Punjabi guy; burly, tall and handsome. He was in the same apartment where Jiya used to stay and so they often bumped into each other either in the staircase or in the car park. Jiya only knew Shiv by his face and nothing else was happening until one day, when Jiya went for shopping and bought lots of dresses and accessories. She drove back home but she faced the hardship in carrying those loads of bags from the car to her flat. At one point two of her bags slipped her grip and with great difficulty, she managed to pick them up. Later when she was near the staircase, she tumbled down on the ground with all her bags skipping her step. Meanwhile Shiv was galloping down the staircase, when he saw Jiya on the ground; he went running to help her. He helped her to get back on her feet, carried all her bags, and helped her until she was comfortable inside her flat. After that, whenever they meet they started to spend some time in each others company, chatting on various topics. When Shiv learnt that Jiya was a Bengali girl, he requested her to send him some fish curry when she would cook it.

Jiya had a cook still she took the pain to prepare fish curry for Shiv and went upstairs to hand over the dish to him. He was a bachelor and lived with two other flatmates. It was Shiv only who opened the door after Jiya rang the bell for the third time. Shiv was surprised to see Jiya there. Jiya heard voices of girls from his room and asked Shiv, “Who are the girls chatting inside your room? Are they your girlfriends?” she winked.

“No Jiya, they are not my girlfriends, they are the friends of my flatmates,” Shiv replied. “I don’t have any girlfriend, Jiya, I am just waiting for the best match,” he smiled. Jiya handed him the fish curry and said “You asked me to prepare fish curry for you; here it is. Taste it and let me know how it is”

They didn’t meet again for next 5 days. Jiya was very anxious to know whether he liked her recipe or not. It was almost 6 months, since they started talking and chatting and slowly Jiya developed a soft corner for him. Every time they met, Shiv would always say, “Jiya why are you already married? Or else I would have definitely married you. I am  searching for a trendy, good looking and someone with a big heart, just like you.” “Do you have a sister who looks like you? Then surely I will marry her,” he added.

She waited eagerly everyday at the car park hoping to meet Shiv and to know how the fish curry tasted. Finally, on the sixth day when Jiya was going to the market she saw him on his bike and a girl was behind him. He didn’t even look at her. She thought he must have failed to notice her. Later in the day, when they met on the staircase Jiya asked Shiv who she was and promptly Shiv replied she was his cousin!

Jiya believed him and started living in the unreal world where she and Shiv was always together. She was missing him and she called Shiv in the morning and asked him to meet her but he said he was busy and cannot meet her that day. Later that evening when she was coming back from gym she spotted Shiv’s bike in the parking. She was delighted seeing that and she thought Shiv must be in his room. She went upstairs and rang the doorbell no less than five times before he opened the door. He looked exhausted and he was surprised to see her there. He promptly said that he was busy completing a presentation for his office, but at that very moment a girl came out of his bedroom; she too looked equally exhausted. Jiya noticed her carefully and found that she is not even properly dressed. Jiya understood how busy Shiv was and she made a retreat immediately without saying a word. She came back to her repose and cried a lot. She asked herself why did she get into such things afterall.  Avik had no fault and they were happily married then why she got lost in an unreal enjoyment in a world of utopia. She never found an answer but by then she realized that her real world was much enjoyable than the unreal world!