One moment in time

I lived all my days, for that one moment in time
No past no future, in that instance
Felt the world around me sublime

All seemed so clear to me and yet I was blind
Wanted no past no future in that instance
A knot was getting tied there, never to unwind

In your arms I lay trustingly when you kissed my forehead
Felt no past no future in that instance
For me only for me this is, my every being pleaded

In the life that I live, such moments I want to steal
With no past no future in that instance
Time would just stop and the days would turn surreal

Sigh! We walked our separate ways, now memories drop by as gentle dew
There was no past no future in that instance
So never mind the ending dear, love, with you it did ensue

The Indian drama masala…….

The Indian dramas are really to the bottom made for Indian audience. The aspect that really surprises me is the masala that repeats in all of them giving them a particular flavor. Elements that make the Indian dramas make them somewhat dry but also magnetic attracting major viewers in the form of middle aged ladies, especially popular for the gossip section.
Aside from entertainment I fail to comprehend the morals these dramas try to convey although some genuinely impart ferocious fighting spirits with unrealistically high amount of principles. The other thing that female characters specialize in is the amount of tears they shed in whole series is almost equivalent to the amount I shed in childhood (though I didn’t cry a lot) the feelings in them are really difficult to synchronize but certainly I can sympathize a little. The music is something I do appreciate but then sometimes I wonder where I heard it before.
The incomplete knowledge used from the medical and legal field used in these dramas to continue the story is at some point unjustifiable. The verbal catfight among the saree clad warriors makes me clutch my remote control harder. The paradoxically gossiping neighbor or an evil aunt who makes an appearance once In a while always seem to poke their nose and most importantly to fuel the spark so that it can turn to fire. It’s amusing how a long dead character suddenly is undead (certainly not as a zombie but I would really like to see that once) due to false assumption of death or because of confused identity with dis figuration of face or due to the thick plot woven by the evil stepmother(antagonist) or something named as fate.
Every time the protagonist is in trouble the why do bells in the temple get triggered but then we can rest assured that no evil can befall our hero/heroine now that he/she has ultimate blessings. The antagonists always seem to be wrapped in evil scheming while our naïve protagonists await their fate living in there happy world until it comes tumbling down. Though the passion seems the main point innocence and righteousness is an essence. Then again ‘All is well that ends well’ some how it works out in the end and they live happily ever after.
The admirable points are the sense of fashion of the ladies with lots of use of jewelry after all they are prime in trend setting. All the actors, director and other people working hard on a drama are also appreciable. The emotions pride, anger, happiness, sadness, jealousy, childishness, religion are captivating at some points and expressive as well.
Although I complain a lot I am an avid viewer of these dramas. But I do wish in future we can taste a different flavor of this magic masala.

Allium cepa

The onion has made everyone cry,
Kanda bhaji is not a dish now to fry

The cost in hushed tone is asked,
The bandit is but standing unmasked

An allium too could act so pricey,
The situation had never gotten so dicey

Without the onion I am now dishing up dishes,
Trying to  bail out my poor wallet from more bruises

The onion we all took so for granted,
Now has us but completely baited

It now stands smiling sparsely on the stands,
watching our juices oozing out of  sweat glands

He is now declared the king of all kings,
The shallots never had it ever so splendid

To cook or not to cook is the question to ask,
The master chefs in India do have quite a task

The radish I hear is now making the rounds,
Yes a  surrogate but nevertheless abound

The taste of the onion shall we now forget,
And love and adore the radish instead

Lazeez Pyaazi pakoda is now a thing of the past,
Mooli will be filling our zoli is the latest forecast

Salt

Each drop of tear

as salty as blood

running into my mouth

filling me with despair

I try to flush it out

yet,it needs to be in my insides

I blink a few times,yet

the salt tastes saltier.

Lines on my palms

seemed to run no where

I press them to my eyes

salt runs everywhere.

Withering sighs,left me

to fly

away,so very far away

or perhaps to erase

somebody’s smiles.

All night long…

Faint footsteps of fragile heartbeats

paced to-and-fro on my heart’s red carpet,

while the phantom of past reminiscences haunted me

all night long!

Somewhere sobbing sky melted, bit by bit

dribbling midst the curves of cumulus clouds

and somewhere a shining star sang sad serenades of lost love

all night long!

As the moths of your memoirs

buzzed around the flickering flame of my love-scented heart,

my soul glowed brightly in the dark alcove of my body

all night long!

I, like a vagabond, wandering aimlessly,

on the dark path of your heart’s hidden habitat,

lit the lamp of your memories and chanted your name

all night long!

When glum-eyed evening sheds star-lit tears

and moonlight hums a silvery lullaby,

Tuck me in, against your balmy bosom

as I want to sleep in your amorous arms

all night long…

Copyright ©2010 Bharat B. Trivedi

Could I be the reason!

could be I be the reason for you to make self confident.

could I be the reasons for arousing your hidden  desires

could I be the cause for igniting a passion deep inside you

could I be the reason for making you feel a regal Princess

could I be the reason for your sweet smiles and dimples

on your face

could I be string of your guitar for you to play

could I be a broad canvass for you to brush a painting

could I be a tissue to wipe your tears

could I be your should to cry!

could I be a reasons for all your happiness!


Clouds rain tears

A cloudy day makes me dull
Sad and lonely
Burden my soul
Sadden my eyes
Why can’t I speak or say
What’s in my mind
What was it that went wrong?
Why do I feel so heavy?
Eyes fill with tears
From an unknown sorrow
Till they pour down
Like heavy drops of rain
I walk like insane
Wandering in the rain
Tears are no more visible
As they flow one with the rain
Clouds are like my heart
Heavy with sorrow
Rain the teardrops
Running down my cheeks
When the downpour stops
An emptiness remains
Free from the burden
And calm inside
The raindrops so cool
Are of course soothing
The warm tears
Left a burning in the eye
I feel the storm is over
The breeze is cooling
A ray of sunshine
Is visible in the sky
Sunshine brings hopes and warmth
Nostalgic memories too
That can wipe away sorrows
That’s the human nature….

The deep blue sea!

Water water everywhere…not a drop to drink. No one realized it more aptly than Vicky, a merchant sailor, sailing for six months continuously. Although that was his first voyage, yet he felt as if he was aboard for ages. That afternoon during his scheduled break, he decided to browse the net. It was his only way to stay in touch with his friends and relatives, back on land.

He logged onto Facebook, a social networking website and found quite a few friend requests were pending. He lazily started to approve and reject the same until the last name, which left him enthralled. The request was from Jessica. Even before adding her to his list, he quickly clicked on Jessica’s friend list to search if “she” was present there or not! The list contained 330 names and he went through each profile and pic, making sure in case “she” was using some nick name. After about 15 min of research he succeeded. He was spellbound, thinking, was she the same cute sweet girl he knew a year back? He couldn’t believe his eyes, the girl he knew was now a lady…as beautiful as always but the childish outlook has been encapsulated into a more matured cocoon.

He immediately checked her profile and as the life size of the profile pic flashed on the screen, his eyes froze. He looked straight into the eyes of the lady in the photo. Those eyes always made him crave for her; her smile made him always think that she was the sunshine of his life! All that was still the same but it was all meant for Rishav, the one Ria was married to. Instantly he felt that it was Rishav, for whom she left him alone amidst all blues!

He clicked on all the pics in her album, one by one and couldn’t stop envying Rishav for having such a beautiful wife like Ria. There were almost 50 pics, taken at different locations, all over the world and she looked gorgeous in all of them. He couldn’t control his eyes when a pic from Switzerland occupied the screen. Ria was posing alone amidst the snow and by her expression anyone could say how happy she was. Her smile made him nostalgic yet again and he could not stop the overflow of memories from the past.

Those days, he felt, were the most lovely, happening and memorable days of his life. He first saw Ria in a western dance class, which they both attended. Ria was a prolific dancer but Vicky was nothing lesser. They soon got into a pair for some of the songs. Their dance school was competing in a national level competition. Along with others both of them too represented their institute and truly speaking they made the best dancing couple amongst all the available pairs. During that period Vicky was captivated by her charm. Ria was very extrovert in nature, fun loving, good looking, out going and ofcourse not to forget good at heart. Vicky, on the other hand, could be attributed through three suitable adjectives only … smart, handsome, and genuine! As days went, Vicky’s love for her increased and by the time their programme ended he was madly  in love with this girl. The chemistry showed on stage and as a result their dance school won the second prize in the competition. It was celebration time and members from the dance class planned for a picnic.

Suddenly Vicky was back in the present and found it was time to go back to work! He needed to rush and quickly sent a friend request to Ria simply driven by reflex before moving out of the internet room.

After his scheduled duty hours, when evening was setting in, he went to the deck and stood there alone looking at the deep blue sea. It seemed as if his sorrows were submerged into the depth of the ocean. Even before he could realize, memories of Ria, flooded into his mind.

He couldn’t ever forgot the picnic congregation. It was indeed his first step towards the deep emotion that he developed for Ria. Vicky’s mom came to the dance class before they left for the picnic to give them some pakoras and paranthas to be consumed during the couple of hour’s journey. It was the first time he introduced Ria to his mom, whom he loved the most in the whole world.

Picnic was quite good too as Ria declared Vicky to be her best friend in front of all and the declaration did not please a few, needless to mention that Vicky had few competitors in his class as quite a few guys were trying their luck on the most happening gal in their group. After he was back from picnic, Vicky couldn’t stop himself from asking his mom, whether she liked Ria or not. Vicky’s mom said , “Ria is a sweet girl, but tell me something truly, Vicky… you like her, don’t you?”… Vicky was stumped but since he never lied to his mom, he said shakily “Mom, I don’t like her, but I love her”…and his mom smiled back and said “you are my son Vicky, I know what you are feeling, I too liked her, and I think you couldn’t express your feelings to her.”. He gave his mom a sheepish smile, while his mom said, “Go boy, go and propose her!”

He suddenly felt his eyes were getting clammy! This time not for Ria, but for his mom. He could feel the sea breeze brushing his face; he felt cold as he missed the warmth of his mom’s affection; he was missing his mom like hell. Six months were elapsed and he did not see her, he did not taste the delicious food she makes for him. He instantly walked away from the deck and went into the radio-room of the ship. He dialed the number … his mom picked up “hello”… Vicky tried to hide his tears and tried to speak normally… he cleared his throat and said, “Hey mom, how are you? I don’t know why but I am missing you maa!” As he uttered the last words, tears rolled down his cheeks. His mom could feel from the other end of the line that her son Vicky was very sad, she knew what pain her son went through in the last one year, her eyes instantly became moist too. She said, “Son, don’t get upset, you were my brave boy. Why are you crying? My son is in merchant navy, within couple of years, you will be the captain of the ship, and you made us proud. Distance doesn’t matter, my blessings are always with you” Vicky felt a load off his heart and said, “love you mom” and disconnected the call.

Next day during his duty hours he couldn’t stop contemplating, whether Ria had accepted his friend request or not? As soon, his schedule was over, he almost ran to the internet room, logged in and to his surprise, he saw that Ria had not only accepted his request but actually even scrapped him saying a little hi! He felt very happy from inside, almost felt like singing and dancing as if he had solved one of the unsolved mysteries of the world. He scrapped her back asking about her whereabouts and other routine stuff. As days went by, quite frequently they started scrapping each other and Vicky during his off hours either used to stay online in anticipation that Ria too would be there or he stood in the deck looking towards the deep blue sea and thought of the wonderful days they spent together.

He would stand there for hours looking at the blue sea searching for Ria’s reflections in the water. He felt the magnitude of void every time whenever he thought of her. He thought of the jokes they shared and which left both of them guffawing till the tears were out. He thought how easily she became friendly to his close ones and how everyone appreciated him for having a friend like Ria. They loved to drink the same masala chai and every time they went to a local mall, they wouldn’t miss an opportunity of have it together. How they both went for shopping and every time it was Ria who picked up the perfect shirts for him. He missed the way she use to hug him, saying he was her best friend and he missed the way she would come well dressed and would nod at him as if to ask how she was looking. It was always thumbs up from his end which made Ria smile, for which Vicky would die for. The reflections of Ria in the deep blue sea made him crave for her even more.

Two more months elapsed and although their conversation never went beyond formal scraps but something from within  made him happy. The deep blue sea became his best friend sharing the memories of his past and present. One day when he stood on the deck, there were dark clouds, he somehow saw a silver lining in that darkness too, which otherwise gave him a feeling of being engulfed by it. Deep inside he had already created a world of their own, hoping someday Ria would come back to him. Suddenly it started to drizzle, Vicky looked at the sea, it looked mesmerizingly beautiful, it seemed to be without any boundaries, it was similar to the non stop memories that he had of her. He did not bother to take a shelter and sweet memories of Ria started to pour down on him.

Around a year and half year back, one day both of them after their dance class went for shopping. They were walking side by side when suddenly it started to drizzle, they both didn’t bother to take shelter and enjoyed the first downpour of the monsoon. Both kept walking hand in hand, laughing, singing, and bopping. Vicky could not ignore Ria’s beauty, her wet hair and she was looking like the goddess of love. He tried hard to control his emotions but something in him was insisting, “hey boy…propose your girl… She will be all yours”.

He told Ria that he had to take some good CDs for his mom and they both headed towards Planet M, a leading music store located nearby. After entering the shop Ria went to the other end searching for some DVDs for herself. After a while, suddenly she heard Vicky was calling her by her name. She tried finding him through the CD racks but it was all in vain. When finally she located Vicky, she saw he was listening to something with a headphone plugged to his ears. Vicky offered her the other headphone, to listen to the song that he was listening to. Ria put it on and found it was playing the lovely track, “Nothing gonna change my love for you!”. They both enjoyed the song till the end and finally when Ria was removing her headphone, Vicky said, “Hey gal, its dedicated to you, I never thought this will ever happen to me, but I love you baby, I want to marry you!”

Ria didn’t knew how to react, tears appeared in her eyes, and soon it was rolling down the cheek. She tried to be normal and somehow said, “Hey we are best friends, I never thought you would do this! I thought at least you would be different from others! All men think alike!” She rushed out of the shop, Vicky ran behind her to explain, but she was too stubborn, too angry! She left for home, leaving him alone. Vicky tried to contact her, but she didn’t respond and within 6 months Vicky heard from Jessica, their common friend that she was married. It left Vicky’s world shattered into pieces.

He felt cold, it was still drizzling, he was totally wet by then; he came inside, went into his cabin. Next day he went to the internet room, logged in to check if there was any more scraps from Ria. He got lucky, Ria was online. They chatted for almost an hour about each other’s new lives and then suddenly Ria logged off saying she had to cook dinner for her husband! The last word tore his small world of hope into pieces and he felt Ria was very happy with her hubby, in her new world! To his surprise, he started feeling the same pain he felt two months back, before he restored contacts with Ria. He didn’t knew what to do, where to go for an explanation. He thought, the deep blue sea, his best friend, would definitely give him some solutions! He ran on to the deck, looked at the sea and started searching for Ria’s reflections, but to his surprise there were none! He stood there still, looking at the sea and as if the rumbling of the sea gave him the answer. He knew it always was only friendship from Ria’s end! It was a mirage that he was running behind and that had made his life miserable. It brought back the world of pain, sorrow, and tears!

He immediately knew what he had to do. He rushed back to the internet room, logged into facebook, went to his friend list and opened Ria’s profile. He smiled at her profile pic for one last time and then deleted her profile from his list. Suddenly he felt happy, he felt light, he thought there would be no more anchoring but just moving on like his best friend …the deep blue sea!

The Break Up …

13th December, 2009

Today I fought with Maya again. It was a spark which burst into flames in no time. And we both left feeling bitter and dejected and thinking how much the distance between us has increased over the past three weeks. Nowadays we hardly spend a single day without arguing. If we meet up, thinking that all will be as nice and pleasant as before, we fall silent after the first two or three introductory dialogues. The tension slowly builds up in silence. It is as if we silently start quarrelling with each other long before we actually start the argument. Maya was in tears today. I could see the pain in her eyes today, though at an earlier date I could have felt it too. She said what I could anticipate even before she articulated it. It was too much pain for her to take and she was not sure if she could continue with the relationship any longer. This was the end, I thought. A sea of emotions swept through me, yet I knew that it was inevitable. We stared at each other for some time. The incidents of the past two years fleeted across my eyes, while tears streamed down from her eyes. I still could not believe that I was getting separated from her. Yet, I had no other choice. I had wanted to end it this way. It was all calculated. It was about time that I faced the truth head on. It was me who all along worked towards the deterioration of the relationship. For each and every day throughout the past three weeks, I did not rest till I had fought with her, made her cry and feel bitter. It was as if I deliberately wanted to make her hate me. This was my decision, conscious and calculated.

I have just made one assumption. Maya, I believe, would be happier in her life, if she learns to hate me. That way things would be much easier for her; she would find it easier to start her life afresh, when I am no longer there to make her life miserable, approximately one month from now. Soon, I will lose my mobility and the chemotherapy would start to show its signs on my physical being. That is why I had to hasten things up. Otherwise I could have stayed cosy with my beautiful and lovely Maya for some more days. I hope I have done the right thing. A break up is certainly not as painful as losing the person you love. Mom has made my favourite chicken curry for lunch today. I just have one more month, and I want to die with a satisfied stomach…

Tears hazed Maya’s vision completely. She could not read anymore. It was an accident, the letter was not meant for her eyes. It had been a month now after Rahul’s death. She ran out of his room and into the streets.

Somehow Maya had always failed to believe that their relationship had died a natural death. Now she knew. Rahul was brave. She could be courageous too and make him feel proud. She wiped away her tears and headed for her home.

Smiling Tears

They smiled in tears

Their frowns cracking their lips

In smiles. Which is which?

tearsI know not I fear.

Are they smiling, not in

Happiness or are they in tears

Over my ‘hasty’ decisions.

I’m bound by love.

I hate my chains

I despise love and yet

I would love again.

Those tears could drown my

Smiles. Those smiles could

Erase my tears. So, what do I

Behold as mine? Neither my tears

Nor my smiles.

The Love that is Life …

I wonder what beauty life holds for us. I have so much in me to write but still the words keep failing me. There is so much more than ever can be in this very moment of our existence that it is only the infinite time that separates our souls. I f you had a spirit just like us, my Love, then would you be like I always imagined you – pure and void of any imperfections.  There is so much, so much we have missed in our journey together but I guess that’s the way life is and by its own virtue – being mysterious, cloaked by its own veil of emotions, shows us the path to newer lands and adventurous journeys. The road that we tread upon, my Love, is long and weary too. I have always found you in my mother, in my father, in my sister, in my brother and in my friends. You were my best critic when you came to me as my foe but that was not for long. Few of us believe, my Love, that your kindness is your strength, not your weakness. I am sad that it took me such a long time in such a short span of my eternity, that I understood why you are and why you will be, my Love.  I believe that love can happen in a quantum of sempiternity or not have touched the core at all, ever. You are so many but you come to me as one. As it is my inconsistencies and inability, perhaps bounded by the very physical structure that I possess, which most rationalist call the mind, to comprehend and realize the magnitude of your presence as well as the little place that you dwell in me, which most sentimentalist call the ‘Heart’.

Can we take a stroll by the lake, O my Love? We can share an ice cream while the soft breeze plays with your tresses and with the glitterati of the waters too, only the former being the center of my jealousy. I am nervous too. You have come a long way, coming to see me, hiding away from your relatives, concealing your identity, which has become a part of your nature. You pretend to be afraid. But that is a momentary lapse of grace that you adorn. I don’t blame you for this. Men have destroyed so much of you. But I really admire you for believing so much in me. It gives me faith, faith which provides man to achieve the impossible, happiness and the strength to stay right and strong in life’s toughest highways. Of course, unlike highways, men here don’t have rules to guide them. They make their own. I know that you got bruised along the way. I can see the pain behind your soft smile. I feel guilty. So sure, you always had been, about time and what we will be, what we will mean to you and what you will transcend into. You keep silent, as you have been since the beginning of time. I know that you are as divine as any god that I have ever imagined to man, any angel that the weak and the weary wish upon and any goodness that this earth holds forth to her children. I am so lucky to find you, my Love.

Love that is Life ...
Love that is Life ...

But as you look into my eyes with the innocence of the unborn, I feel that I too have not respected you all my life. I was not there for those who were there for me when I was blue. I did not care for the weak and the distressed when they came and begged for their survival nor did I look after the old who wanted to be free from their loneliness. I, the modern man, have forgotten you. Today as this day ends, so does the ignorance about the superficial arcade of my pride, broken by time. As you draw nearer to me, the velvet satin bedizening you pulls you away from me. Even the non-existent entity like the fabric knows what you will become, when you come in touch with my inconsiderate psyche and hard-hearted organic presence. Please go away my Love, as you will get hurt in your duties—“ To love me”. I cannot accept you as a part of my being. Go back. Your smile fades into tender tears, which can even overwhelm the dark corners of a butcher’s guts with munificence. “What have I done? I care so much about you. I am afraid. I may hurt you. I may lose you again forever. Please forgive me. I did not mean anything wrong.” These are the words that I say. As I did always.

You take me by your hand and lead me to a park, nearby. The sun is setting down, slowly after doing his daily chores of provision to the millions. You point your delicate finger to a distant sight of young laughter. Children playing. I see my childhood in them and a feeling of nostalgia arrests me. “We live through them”, said you standing beside me, just like a queen whose rule extends only to a man’s heart. Me. Yet she is satisfied. Men have never been.

I can still remember you say, thirty years since then, those words clear to my ears even now.  ” I live through you. You through me. Life lives through death but Love lives only through love. Everybody is born, few live and some die. You just have to choose how do you want to end all of this. In this never-ending story of time, we were always together and we will always be. You just have to hold on tight”.